[adult swim]

WELCOME TO MYADULTSWIM

2006-07-30T13:45:00.000-07:00

I want to thank each and EVERYONE OF YOU, for stopping by, not only to read my blog, but journey with me through the last 3 years of this blog! The story has finally come to an end. I am very grateful for this experience, and all it has given me. I am even happier to be apart of "Blogopia", and hope that I had [have] at least a small impact on the "Blogging Experience." I am now an ADULT, doing what I want to do, and taken advantage of life! I just want people to look back on this blog, and hope that it makes you laugh, makes you cry, turns you on, shocks the hell out of you, makes you Jam, makes you reminisce, makes you dream, makes you INSPIRED! Once again, Thank You! This blog may be ending, but Superman Will Return!

SHAWNQT IS BACK...
WITH A BRAND NEW BLOG!

JUST KEEP SWIMMING:
Oh my God, I can't Swim!
VOTE OR DIE!
Contemplating
Bring it ON! Give me the Keys!
GASPING FOR AIR
How High?
I'm FRUSTRATED...
URK-MAN
Death of a Tooth
[myadultswim]

GET TO KNOW ME:
Victory is Mine!
20 THINGS I LOVE!
THE "INTERVIEW"
Seven Whole Thoughts
26 QUESTIONS!
FIRST 10 QUESTIONS ANSWERED!
FINAL 16 QUESTIONS ANSWERED...FINALLY!

FAMILY:
Trippin
Happy Birthday Mom!
FAMILY UN-TIED
FAMILY UN-TIED 2: If it was only that SIM-ple

OWNING SEXUALITY:
By the Power of Gayskull?
MY CONFESSION
HORNY AS HELL
TOMMORROW PEOPLE
GAY PRIDE 2005 PHOTOS
Is Left Right?

THE BLOGGING EXPERIENCE:
THE "INTERVIEW"
THIS JUST IN
Shhhhhh...
COMING SOON!
GASPING FOR AIR
THIS BLOG AIN'T SHIT!
THIS BLOG IS SOMETHING ELSE!
HOW COLD IS HELL?
THE LEGEND OF O...
DO YOUR PARENT KNOW?
Tell Me Something
COUNTDOWN TILL I PARTY DOWN...
STOP HO'ING YOURSELF ON YOUR BLOG!
I FINALLY GOT MY IPOD!
GOT YOU!
POWERBLOG HUNGRY?
OH, WHAT NEW YORK FUN!

GETTING MY FIRST APARTMENT:
One Small Duck. One Deep, Dark Pond.
I LOVE IKEA!
Home: The Extension of Self
Under Construction: Prelude
Under Construction: Chapter 1
Under Construction: Chapter 2
Smack it up, Flip it, Rub it down... Ohhhh Nooo!
Trippin'
PHOENIX RISING HOUSEWARMING!
Excursion De La Maison: Kitchen & Bathroom
Excursion De La Maison: Office & Dining
Sexy Brothas Heating Up the House!

SPIRTUALITY:
TSUNAMI: The Spiritual Ramifications
TSUNAMI: Religious Justification
CELEBRATING THE DAY OF MY BIRTH
WILL I EVER LET GO?
T H E 2 3 R D P S A L M
THIS BLOG IS SOMETHING ELSE!
POWER OF PRAYER
Tell Me Something
Head Above Water

LOVE:
Grow
Grow II: Growing Pains
CELEBRATING THE DAY OF MY BIRTH
Night Out on the Town
Under Construction: Chapter 1
The Boom Boom
LOVE: Episode 1
LOVE: Episode 2
LOVE: Episode 3
LOVE: Episode 4
LOVE: Episode 5
LOVE: The Final Episode
Color Me Purple
MEMORIES
ME: BEING A MAN ABOUT IT
SO SICK OF LOVE SONGS...
Best Weekend!
SWIM
FUZZY'S BIRTHDAY SLUMBER PARTY!
NOMOREADAM4ADAM4ME!
781-382-3756
I finally told you...
[myadultswim]

CREATIVITY:
I Fucked Up!
I am, the Creator
I DO WORK YOU KNOW!
A Brotha got Skills...
Ty's Creative Challenge
URGES
DRAW ON ME...

POETRY:
Grow
Celebrity
The Boom Boom
Take Me Away
Obsession
THIS BLOG IS SOMETHING ELSE!
TOMMORROW PEOPLE
SWIM

FROM THE DESK OF:
My Politics Of Friendship
A Legacy in "some guy's" hands
IT'S LOG!
rashawn
WHY NIKKO, WHY!
I VOTED FOR...
IT'S ABOUT TO BE A WHAT?
The Ghetto Gets Healthy?
To my girl, Lisa
THE NEW TLC?
A Left Eye Moment
Black Eyed Peas Recruit New Member
LRG, Sexy Books, & Puppies
THIS BOOK WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE
Go Idol Go!
THE LAST STAND
[my space]
INSTANT DEF

EVENTS:
Grown & Sexy
HORNY AS HELL
Night Out on the Town
Do I Smell Elephants Outside?
GAY PRIDE 2005 PHOTOS
PHOENIX RISING HOUSEWARMING!
Sexy Brothas Heating Up the House!
BE READY!
MAN OF STEEL'S 26TH BIRTHDAY PARTY
FUZZY'S BIRTHDAY SLUMBER PARTY!
Pinkin' Ain't Easy
THE DC.
OH, WHAT NEW YORK FUN!
[myadultswim]

THE VIDEOS:
WALKING AWAY!
SO SICK OF LOVE SONGS...
JAMMING TO BEYONCE!

LEAVE YOUR FINAL COMMENTS!
[you know how I love comments]

Thank you for your inspiration. Yours was the very FIRST blog I ever read...so thank you for opening me up to the blog world. Be good to yourself Shawn....you deserve it. - Antneya

i'm SOOOO upset... you can't leave us like this... I hope you realize that you're one of the "original" bloggers, lasted 3 years longer than most people. And scrolling through these old posts, we see a lot of growth... But--you can't leave us yet. your journey isn't quite over. - Bougie Black Boy

Wow...u mean it's really over!? NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I hate to read but for some reason was able to read your blog pretty frequently. I'll probably slowly slip into illiteracy now that you're gone. - Coital

Awww man, is it really the end?? I've always enjoyed reading your blog. Your daily offerings did have a way of getting to you by making you laugh, cry, think, or see things in ways you didn't before. -Buddahdesmond

You've been a great inspiration and you have a great heart that surpasses this space. Hopefully you'll comeback... -Trent Jackson

Why is the adult swim over? i am devastated. I am convinced Superman will return! -Charles X

[myadultswim]

2006-07-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

have you ever felt so free?
have you ever felt so liberated?
have you ever let go of all your insecurities?
have you ever released all your inhibitions?
then come with me... and lets get naked.

I have always felt as if I was Clark Kent, trying to be Superman.

Always the nerd trying to prove to everyone, that he to can be just as amazing, attractive, and popular as everyone else. But I am not Superman, I am just Shawn. So I take off my Superman shirt, and my Superman underwear...

...and stand here before you, NAKED,

with all my insecurities hanging between me.

Here is the head of my feelings of not being attractive.

Here is my shaft of inability to express my own confidence.

Here are the balls of my thoughts of being teased, and never feeling special.

This is my dick in all its smallness.

Feel it. Does it feel like yours?

It's Sunday Morning and Fuzzy has already left to go Home, and then to Church. It always feels good to "sleep in" with him, and just lay in the bed. I would just lay next to him, holding him. I would rub my hands on his chest, and go up and down his abs thinking to myself how much he turns me on. I try not think about it, but other body parts tell me otherwise. I just blame it on the morning wood, even though it never is.

He always leaves my house in the morning with a kiss goodbye, and its one of my favorite kisses from him. It is as if his lips are saying, "I will be back, for more of you." but of course that is only overly imagination talking, but it feels good nonetheless.

I wake up a hour later and decide to start getting ready for today.

Today I'm going to the Nude Beach!

Fuzzy has told me about the nude beach before, and I always had the fascination of going. Do people really walk around naked? What if they get hard? What if I get hard? Are they all white people? What if a black mandingo takes off his clothes? Should I look or turn away? Should I even care and act as if no one is nude at all?

These are general questions that were swirling around in my head as I was checking my myspace messages. I really like myspace, because I honestly can meet genuine people that wish to be friends with me. As I was deciding what new photo I wanted to add to my profile, it came out of no where, as it always does.

Was I... Did I, look good enough to go to a Nude Beach? Yeah sure, I am not a bad guy to look at, but the thoughts of that "small lil nerd" inside me was surly come through. I am not perfect, nor is my body. What if the more attractive people looked at me in a strange way. Was I really comfortable enough to show my private parts in front of people I know and didn't know? What about this, what about that, what about... yes my insecurities was coming out and I couldn't stop it. Soon my excitement turned into fear.

I read once that all feelings are sponsored by two emotions Love & Fear.

Why was I choosing fear, right here, right now? Wasn't I over all this. Then, I became embarrassed to even think I could still feel this way. I told Fuzzy about it over instant messenger, but I don't think he really understood what I was feeling.

"Just go out there and do it, don't think about it."

In my head I was thinking, well it may be easy for you, but this is something I been dealing with for awhile. Years even. Just when I thought I had a grapple on it, here it comes again, and I tried to explain it to him without being upset, and without thinking he just didn't care. A part of me just wanted him to just tell me I was gorgeous, and beautiful, and that I would be the best looking guy on that beach... but he didn't, and I didn't expect him to. Why do I need confirmation? Shouldn't I be able to look at myself in the mirror and think I'm beautiful? So I started researching online. How does one obtain Confidence?

Change Your Negative Thoughts. If it comes into your head, Think Again. Remember all the emotions and feelings when you felt the strongest or at your best. Then make it your experience.

Be mindful of your body. Keep your head up & stand up straight. Be confident in your body. Know your strongest attributes and be confident in that.

Speak Positive. Don't just say I'm having a great day at the beach, say I am having a wonderful and absolute amazing day at the beach!

And so I did...

As I got there, with all my friends, there they all were. Men and Women all Naked! White. Black. Hispanic. Gay. Straight. All on the beach, enjoying there nudity. Some taken in the sun. Some playing in the water. Some cruising the beach in search of another. Yet through it all, everyone was comfortable with being naked.

So I did it. Yes, with hesitation, but I became confident. I thought, this was my adult swim. This was me being an adult, celebrating my adulthood. I created this blog because I was scared to swim, much like I was scared to be an adult, but this time I choose not to be afraid. I choose Love. Love of MYSELF. I have been through so much since I became an adult. I have documented most of it, in this very blog. From issues with my family, to getting my own apartment. To not being able to let go with GOD, to having the Holy Ghost in my living room. To wishing I had friends, to having a whole new community to embrace. And to losing love, and finding love again.

For a moment on that beach, I let go.

I felt Free. I felt liberated. I felt no insecurities. I released my inhibitions.

In my confidence I took photos with the one I love. It is amazing how much I have learned and evolved in the short time I have been with Fuzzy. Just the day before I told him I loved him for the very first time, and I truly felt that love as we both posed on the beach naked and just being into one another. This experience was a celebration of my growth as a man. If I could be naked in front of so many people, imagine now what I could do...

[the end...?]

I finally told you...

2006-07-17T14:22:00.000-07:00

...FOR THE FIRST TIME,
THAT I LOVE YOU...

AND I MEANT EVERY WORD.

my fuzzy
[7.15.06]

I just wanted to write this post to remember our moment.

INSTANT DEF

2006-07-11T18:16:00.000-07:00

WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU MIX...
HIP-HOP

A SNICKERS

SUPER HEROS

GRAPHIC DESIGN

AND BLACK EYED PEAS?

INSTANT DEF.COM

JAMMING TO BEYONCE!

2006-07-06T16:56:00.000-07:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

So yeah... this is what I do when I want to cheer myself up. Listen to music, and think I'm a superstar! I can't sing though, but I swear I can when I'm by myself. It's fun and relaxing for me though. Besides, Beyonce brings out the "gay faggot" in me. Did you see her on the BET AWARDS perform Deja Vu! I so want to roll all over the floor and dance like I'm Crazy in love! While I was doing the video my friend "L" called me on the phone. Did that stop my flow!

[HIT PAUSE]

We were planning on all going out to eat at BBQ's [again] in Chelsea. It was so much fun, there was about 10 of us! I love hanging out with my friends!

[UN-PAUSE]

CHECK OUT THE POST BELOW

TO GET THE UPDATE TO MY FAMILY ISSUES.

[and leave comments and all that good stuff, make me smile]

FAMILY UN-TIED 2: If it was only that SIM-ple

2006-07-06T05:00:00.000-07:00

"HOME"

I first want to thank Soldier, ladynay, Rodney, Kool, Antneya, Double A Ron, Epsilonicus, Ty, Captain, Dancehard, Divo, Omar, Valentino, Unconquerable Soul, Luvin Me, Lj, Fuzzy, Jared, as well as L for the comments and personal conversations on my last post.

I have been reading the comments over and over again, trying to make sense of it all, but I do feel much better, and feel a lot more comfortable. Amazing how you guys really uplift me, blogging is the best thing ever!

What I didn't realize is that most of us are going through the same issues with our own family. The best advice I got was not to think that everything is going to be "perfect." The second thing I realized is I have to be confident in myself, and I am a great person to my family, and they can benefit from who I am, gay, or what ever because I have a lot of love and support to offer. I also realizedthat I have to make an effort, even if I am scared that I may lose a relationship with someone. If they don't want to be close to me, for what ever reason, that is there issue, not mine.

The issue of my father is still a tricky one. I really took Rodney's advice to heart, but making that step to contact him is not something I am comfortable with yet. I don't think because I didn't have a Father figure made me gay, because I have friends that have fathers in there life, and are still gay. I do think that the lack of my father being in my life is one of the factors of why I am was so uncomfortable about being gay.

I want to be a male role model to my cousins... it may not be in the most "macho" sense. I want to inspire them to have hopes and dreams, be creative, enjoy life, and be open-minded to other ways of thinking. That is something I can give them.

I sit here teary-eyed because I really do feel loved, not just from my family, but my friends, and even the people that read my blog. It makes me feel good to be accepted for who I am.

It's not going to be perfect, but I am going to try.

On a Lighter Note, I have added some Family Photos from my Sims 2 Game.

At least here I can create the PERFECT Family.

It all started off with My Mother, and her two children.My sister "Jazz" & me, ShawnQt!

MY FAMILY LOVES TO JAM: This was Jazzy's Birthday.Mom was showing us some crazy dance, I don't know!She always enjoyed dancing with us.
EDUCATING THE YOUTH: Mom would always talk to us aboutwhat was going on in the world, and we would have to tell her our opinion about it... all while eating Pancakes!
SIBLING RIVALRY: Oh how I love the Nuggie!

ACCEPTING & FREE: In our family being naked isn't an issue,we are not ashamed of our bodies, we embrace it.
GROWING PAINS: "Oh My Gosh, I have boobies!"
TOILET PHILOSOPHY: I do my best thinking on John!
LETTING IT ALL OUT: What do you get when Gas and Fire is mixed?
WILD CHILD: Pretty in Pink, This was during Jazzy's Punk Phase.
OK TO BE GAY: This is me and my ex-boyfriend. Even thoughmy Mom was ok with me being open about my sexuality, she always expressed to me to wear a "jimmy."Do people say "jimmy" anymore?

A PROUD MOTHER: Jazmine got Accepted to Sims Universityto major in Art.
PARENTAL LOVE: Mom married Langston, a good friend fromthe neighborhood. He was so intelligent, and great guy all around.Even though he wasn't my Dad, he really made me feel like a man.
BUN IN THE OVEN: Mom and Langston are expecting...
DOUBLE TROUBLE: ...yet who knew they would be twins!This is Tyra. She is going to be America's Top Model!
DAD'S BUNDLE OF JOY: This is Tyson, he's going to be American's Top Model 2!
SEEING EYE TO EYE: Although I am comfortable with my sexuality,I have became very fond of Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes. She just had this energyabout her I couldn't resist.GOD'S BLESSING: She even honored me with a beautiful baby boy named Kanye!

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE: No matter who I am, who I'm with, or what I do, my mother will always have my back! She knows that she raised her son to do great things!

FAMILY UN-TIED

2006-07-04T21:55:00.000-07:00

FAMILY UNTIED: R2L: STEPFATHER, MOTHER, UNCLE, STEP BROTHER

Last Sunday, I had the pleasure of joining Fuzzy at his Family Picnic. I got to meet some of his Family, and even got to join in there annual Volleyball game. It was amazing to be around so many people that enjoy being with one another.

While in amist of all this joy, I was deeply saddened. While I love my Family, I tend to keep a distance from them. It shames me even more that I live walking distance from all my immediate family, and still don't connect with them on a very deeply emotional level. During all our Family events I make my rounds, and move to my own corner to tend to myself. Why?Why can't I become close to them? I wish I could enjoy and appreciate them, but something is holding me back...

I never had my Father in my life. I always acted like it didn't bother me, but it did. It does. He never could come through for me. He never did anything for me. I hardly know anything about him. What's interesting is, I do know that I have the same artistic skill as him, and I EVEN went to the same Arts High School as him. I saw his photo in an old yearbook, and he looked exactly like me at that age. I would love to get to know him, so that I can know myself... but I don't know how. I have no idea how to create a healthy relationship with him. The thought of contacting him brings fear and sadness, and I just run away from the idea. Every man my mother brought into my life was always very uncomfortable for me. None of them ever showed me the unconditional love a Father and Son can have. Even my stepfather never showed me the honor and respect a man deserved. How could you steal from your wife's son? While my Uncle was there, he was always into basketball. I didn't share that connection with him. My Adult male relationships never worked out for me! Is that the reason why I am gay?

MY FAVORITE LADIES: MOM MOM, MOTHER, & SISTER.

I am my MOM MOM's Taquan, lol. That is my middle name. She usually doesn't call me Shawn, she just calls me Taquan. I was my grandmother's favorite, I don't care what anyone says! It always seemed to me that she always invested in me growing into a very well-rounded man. She always stood up for me when my mother hesitated on me doing something. She always had my back, and supported me through EVERYTHING. She always came to my art shows, award ceremonies, ANYTHING! She is truly the backbone of the family.

My Mother and I were role dawgs! For a very long time, it was just me and her. I can't even put into words how much I love and treasure her. She is always on me, but she falls back and lets me do my thing. She was always the cool mom, wanting to be hip, it was funny! I can tell that she misses me now that I am out the house. I was the one who made her laugh and gave her joy when crazy things happened in the house. She always said, "don't leave me alone with these crazy people!" I can I say, she is the best Mom, I love her!

My Baby Sister! My sister is mentally delayed. She was born premature, and she has delayed motor skills, and she isn't able to talk. She is now 13 years old now. To me, she is my angel. I don't think about her disabilities, and admire all that she can do. She has a smile that can light up a room. She is very funny! She gives unconditional love to everyone. Even though she can't talk I know exactly what she is thinking. We have our sibling rivalries, play fight, I torture her just like any big brother would, but I also protect her with all my heart. She gives me comfort when I am with her. She has taught me so much about life you wouldn't even imagine.

FAMILY EVENT: Me drinking Lemonade and Mom Mom taking photos of family.

While I love my Mom Mom, Mother, & Sister, I am not close with anyone else in my family, like I am with them. My Stepfather, Stepbrother, my Uncle, & my cousins. I am not even that close to my brothers and sisters on my Father side, which upsets me as well. As I get older, I begin to feel like I will become like my father, just abandoning everyone I could be close to. I don't want to be like my father!

I'm scared to get close to them because they may find out who I really am. Will they be able to handle me being gay? How will I explain that to my younger cousins? I can't give advise about how to date girls. What if they ask why I don't have a girlfriend. It's just so much to deal with, and I apologize to my family, I'm just really dealing with so much.

I cried at the picnic, after listening to Kanye West's song Family Business. Fuzzy asked me what was wrong, but I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't. I just held it in. It is really embarrassing to me, and I don't even know where to start, or what to do. I try, and I get scared... and this is a really an issue that I truly don't know how to solve right away.

I guess it starts with realizing the problem. So here I am UN-TIEING the bondages that are keeping me from my family, the only thing I have to do is walk to them, and hopefully they will accept me for who I am.

[shawn]

DRAW ON ME...

2006-06-30T09:08:00.000-07:00

myspace.com/shawnqt

Death of a Tooth

2006-06-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

I don't know what to do.

I'm at work, and I pretty much finished up everything I had to do until my boss comes in and gives me another design project. It has been pretty slow here at the office, due to all the deaths going on. My boss had to fly out to Puerto Rico because one of his family members died, and then when he gets back, his bestfriend, and one of our clients passed away as well. Then on top of that... one of our new clients mother dies, which puts one of our designs on hold. I'm so used to death at this job, its crazy! One of my bosses' sons best friend died in a tragic car accident, and one of the barbers that works across the street from my job, his children got killed in a hit & run. Yeah... Death really does come with the job. I pray HARD, that the next one won't be me!

So I went to the dentist yesterday, and found out that I have 5 cavities and I need a root canal. I have NEVER had teeth problems when I was a kid or a teenager. Since my job doesn't have dental insurance, I been holding out... well I'm glad I went. My teeth have been killing me on one side, so I finally got it checked out. I can't afford a root canal! But, I have an option to get the tooth pulled. Sigh. The Dentist said that it won't be seen if I smile, but if I smile big it can be seen. What do I do? I love smiling? Do I pay over 1,000 to fix it, or do I just pull it and don't smile big?

My Mom said that even if you do get a root canal, they might have to take it out eventually. Do I get a fake tooth down the line when I get more money? I don't want to seem vane, but I love my teeth the way it is, but I don't want it to get infected and go brain dead! I like my brain even more! lol. Can I handle the toothless jokes? Will I still be attractive to Fuzzy?

Maybe I am just over-reacting. sigh.
See, this is the reason why I hate being an adult! I have to make all these choices that evolve money and health, and its just too much at times! Now the question of leaving my job comes into play, so that I can go to a place that does have dental insurance. My mom keeps hounding me to find another job. While I have enough money to pay my bills, I could be making way more! I try to avoid these issues because I want to live a peaceful life, but I know there will be a time that I have to "kill" off a lot of things that are comfortable now, so that I can live a better life later.

Well as you get older, you have to deal with these things. Sucks, but you have to. All I want to do is go home, and watch Beyonce perform "DejaVu" on the BET Awards again! Yet, I have to go home and find a way to come up with the money to fix my teeth.

Great, what fun! What do you guys think?

UPDATE FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2006:

I really appreciate everyone else's advice.

I will try and see if I can go to a Dental School and see if they can do the root canal for a lower price. If the wait is too long, I will just go ahead and get it pulled

The worse that can happen is I don't have a tooth for awhile... but the price of a root canal and a fake may be around the same price.

All I have to do is prepare myself for not having a tooth, lol. It will be hard at first, but I know I will get over it eventually... thanks again!

SEND MORE ADVICE IF U CAN, STILL NEED INPUT!

BLOG ALERT!

2006-06-28T06:00:00.000-07:00

Check out my Friend's Blog!

Intelligent & Sexy, what else can you ask for...

http://hisdailyvariety.blogspot.com/

OH, WHAT NEW YORK FUN!

2006-06-19T11:54:00.000-07:00

FEELS GOOD TO BE GAY AND FREE!

[funny right?]

_______________________

First, the DLB Topic Discussion "Urges" was HOT! I really got to meet a lot of cool people and got to get out some of my, ugghhh Urges outl. It's all about control! If you ever get the urge to eat, shop, or fuck or whatever, always know your the master of your own thoughts and feelings. Just take a step back, think about what your consequences could be, and then you can think focus on what you need to do. It was great seeing Derrick, Jason, and the rest of the group again!

__________________________________

B L O G G E R S U N I T E !

THE SUMMER KICK OFF IN CHELSEA

If you want to read the full stories on what happen go to:

MADOSI N4R HOUSTONNY

Your two neutrons away from crazy if you think I'm going to write the same story again! LOL.

I just want to say that I love hanging out with Omar, that's my dawg. I was upset he didn't come to the book club with me, but enjoyed his energy yesterday. I hope he feels better, I know he wasn't feeling well, people always making him sick! I am really happy Ty and Dapper D came... even though they were late! The Holland Tunnel is a crazy, but if you wasn't NAPPING, lol, you would have been on time! ;) I always enjoy Antar's energy... he's like a major socialite! Always knows how to create a good time. Love the Donald shirt! Prodical Sun is mad cool, he is so mellow, but still knows how to enjoy himself. Madosi is CRAZY, very intelligent, and mad cool, I really enjoyed hanging out with him. It felt so natural! Drama King to the fullest, I love it! I was really surprized to see HoustonNY, he is so nice and sooooooooooo funny. I was cracking up the entire time. We have to hang out with him again. Everyone else was cool. The Superstars, the Fag Hags, the Sexy Brothas, the Drinks... it was great! I miss my Fuzzy though... all night, it just felt like someone was missing. I still miss him. This was the first weekend we didn't spend time with one another. Its cool, I'm going to go see him tommorrow, get rid of some Urges!

I read a couple of comments that you guys wanted to really know what happens behind the scenes. Well, without telling everybodie's biz, I can give a small glimpse into what happened.

BEHIND THE SCENES:

• While I enjoy going to the blogger events, I still get very nervous. It is a difference when u read someone's blog, and people reading mine... it's all about first impressions. If I meet someone new, will they like me? Will I like them? Will we click. I remember seeing HoustonNY at the bar. I did recognize him, but didn't want to go up to him right away. I guess I had to prepare what I would say. Actually he was pretty cool, and we clicked very well.

• Ok, we are sitting down and eating, and one of the guys at the event, Omar went on a date with a few times. I was thinking to myself, what will happen? What would they say? I hope there won't be any drama! All and All... both was cool. Omar is too classy for Drama, but I was sure thinking it!

• I truly adore N4R, and he is very open about his weight gain due to his medical condition. So everytime I'm going to meet him, I think is he going to be really huge, or come out with like a major six-pack and have everyone drool over him! LOL. Hey this is my mind working! N4R is sexy the way he is, and his personality will always be what I enjoy the most. And its fun pinching his nipples once in awhile for laughs!

• There was this guy that kept asking me to see my azz. I told Fuzzy about it, and he told me to point him out. I said why? He said I want to know what kind of guys my baby can pull. Oh Fuzzy! :) I think that guy was drunk anyway!

• All the bloggers are sexy, and you KNOW, someone may have a crush on someone else. I'll just leave it at that!

• Omar dick was showing through his pants. He knew what he was doing!

• I love with Dapper D gets drunk, he starts glistening on the forehead and starts acting crazy! Thank Goodness Ty can drive us home!

• There was some discussion about where Jamal Franklin was, as if he fell off the face of the planet!

• I think I wore the gayest outfit ever! But I don't care, I was still sexy!

Later that night, the rest of my friends went to the pier

and met up with my MYSPACE friend "L."

What's funny is, he's been actually reading my blog for months!

Actually he's been reading everyone's blogs for months, lol!

He's a silent reader, but pretty much knows everyone in the Blogsphere.

It was really cool hanging out with him, our connection is so natural,

and we had a lot of fun! Dancing to Beyonce, talking about Mr. Brown, Great times!

He always trying to look sexy, goodness, fine whatever, lol. Omar does the same thing, ya ain't cute! Ok, fine ya are, lol!

URGES

2006-06-16T09:20:00.000-07:00

[DESIGNED BY SHAWNQT]

Ty's Creative Challenge

2006-06-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy my friends are creative!

Ty gets kool-aid points for coming up with the challenge!

Here is my entry, the topic was "graffitti":

CHECK OUT THE OTHER ENTRIES AT

ty-aspire.blogspot.com

[my baby even did an entry... he's so creative... turns me on!]

Ohhh yeah... Omar posted

a photo of us with our fish faces!

Don't I look like Dory from Finding Nemo?

POWERBLOG HUNGRY?

2006-06-11T02:00:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this for the past couple of days, and really wanted to address this to you guys. Is it possible for a blogger to become "POWERBLOG HUNGRY?"

Just think about it.

Blogs have become a venue for the simplest of people to share there thoughts and stories to an unseen audience, and if popularity is attained, can reach millions of people. Even the most established of professionals use blogs to gain greater status in there own careers.

I mean think about it. Trent Jackson, author, has now become an infamous Blog-Radio Host! Dr. Lyons, brilliant graduate student, has established the well-known Rashawn Brazell Memorial Fund! Even Stephen Earley Jordan II (aka Bougie Black Boy) released of his book "Beyond Bougie" of personal essays, creative nonfiction, and poetry which some, started on his very blog!

You have to admit, bloggers have power!

Yet sometimes you can get lost in it all. It's like you become this miniature or full-blown celebrity! It always feels good to know that your name is out there, your going to all these events, and people read you everyday... so is it possible to become "POWERBLOG HUNGRY?"

I had a situation with a blogger that seemed so off to me.

I was thinking to myself, was what the blogger doing more about there NAME and status, or was it really more about uplifting the blog-community?

Do we as bloggers have a responsibility in what we say, how we say it? Or is blogging just a page ALL ABOUT ME? Do we USE, not collaborate, but USE other bloggers to reach a certain status for our own blogs or in our careers? Do we really appreciate other bloggers for there own endeavors, or are we just so high and mighty that we think our shit is the ONLY SHIT?

It makes me think about my own POWER.

Do I have an effect on the blog-community? Do I Inspire? Entertain? Uplift?

Hey I'm just asking the questions, and just looking for the answers.

ARE YOU POWERBLOG HUNGRY?

Happy Birthday Mom!

2006-06-10T16:30:00.000-07:00

A short light-skin woman from the south.
lived on a farm with her parents, 10 brothers & sisters.
she is the youngest of the siblings.
soon by fate and mystery she left her family,
to live up north and beared a child.

this baby girl is my mother.

my mom wanted to be a dancer.
she wanted to be a model.
she wanted to do all the things her heart desired.
she wanted to be loved.

through her pursuits, she fell in love with a man.
a man that took all those things away from her.
and that left her with only me.

she was only twenty,

and now had another mouth to feed.
with just a one room apartment,
trying to pay bills,

struggling to finish college,
it was a lot and a sacrifice,
to make sure that I would have a better life.

yet through it all,

my mom gave me:

a childhood
insight
freedom
creativity
knowledge
laughter
wisdom
strength
sensitivity
responsibility

integrity
dreams

& love...

...and I thank you from the bottom of my heart!

No matter how old we both get, I will never forget the times that me and you were each others role dawgs. Your my bestfriend. My mommy. I celebrate you!

[taquan]

THE DC.

2006-06-01T02:00:00.000-07:00

What's going on Bloggers!The Qt has hit DC! I loved every minute of it!I got to go on a roadtrip with Fuzzy, and the rest of our friends!We made our own Black Gay Pride! Check out the Photos!
the ty. the terrific ty. the ty-rrific. the keeping it real.the masters graduate. the video soul. the abstract vision.
the d. the what up kid. the black rooster.the bet. the house of derron. the creative to the core.

the qt. the holla at ya boy. the clark kent, superman.the designer from paper to clothes. the deeper soul with the smile of gold.

the fuzz. the love. the soul food.the knows it all. the jokester. the imagine me, christin seed.
the satuday night. the who that be, joining our crew in dc?

the my omar. the ramon. the r&b supastar.the hersheys kiss. the pissed at homo-tricks. the prayer, motivater.
the we. the me and he. the black gay love at its best.the no hotels, no clubs, no non-hetrosexuals, just me and he, and them.the enjoying destiny's dc in dc.

the sunday morning. the bob. the evans. the marylands hotcakes rival to ihops pancakes.the place of our breakfast desires.

the many. the multiple manys.the poses. the pimp stands. the gay stands.the laughs. the gays... a mess, but you love it!

the mess continues, live & direct...

the my shawn. the my omar.the never-dated, yet never duplicated.the bestfriends till the end.

the fuzz. the qt. the gadget man and the x-man.the me and you, don't we look cute?

the dupont circle. the all are welcome. the wizard of oz. the dc black gay pride.

the sunday afternoon. the roosevelt.

the waterfall. the sexiness. the get wet and lick your lips.the dc can't handle this.
the wait in line. the line-ditcher.the the can't wait to get mine.

the black men. the creatives.the posers. the lovers of a good photo.

the couple of you and me. the couple of hopes and dreams.yet... the couple of busting nuts. the couple of screw loose nuts. the couple that can't get enough!

the capital in my hand. the biggest dick I ever had.the monument that said, " fuck me hard usa. "

the america's top model. the nature all around.the omar styling profile.

the qt. the phoenix. the universal light. the thrust of angel's might.

the orange moon. the reflected in me.the beautiful gleam. the sexy serene.
the lincoln. the final destination.

the know it all. the taken it all in.the beautify of his mind excites me.

the I have a deam. the spot of dr. king.
the fuzz. the ramone. the d. the next I have a dream.

the dream come true. the thank you.

CHECK OUT
TY'S ASPIRE BLOG & OMAR RAMONE'S LEGEND OF 0 BLOG
FOR MORE DC DETAILS!

Head Above Water

2006-05-22T22:15:00.000-07:00

WHAT'S GOOD IN THE HOOD!

Did you guys see Oprah's Legend Ball?! Why was I so emotional! It was so amazing to see so many great and talented women in one room. I commend Oprah for giving thanks to those who paved the way for us. I just hope that one day I can contribute to GOD's Legacy.

I was actually going to do a post today about inspiration, and people who inspire me, but I can't top Oprah, lol. I'll save it for another post.

Life has been really good these past couple of days. I can't complain. Over the weekend, I celebrated a birthday with a friend of mine named Mike. He's made cool, and very attractive [so thinks Omar]. We all went to Red Lobster, and just enjoyed the weekend. He just turned 24 (just make me feel old why don't you!)

Sunday I went to church. Me? Church? I know right! But ever since I have been dating Fuzzy, I have been going more often, and not really minding. We went to a Gospel Youth Choir Explosion Event, but there was no youth choir! Yes, no choir! LOL. To take up the time, all we got was testimonies, the church mother singing songs, and the preacher giving a message. But GOD always has something planned, so there was much praising regardless. Even though I did want to see a choir, lol.

I was bored today, so I took a photo of me. [photo at top]

I like it, I took a few more, but I don't feel like putting them all up here.

Ohhh yeah, I have been on a diet!

Well not really a diet,

but I have been controlling my Fat Intake.

No French Fries. No Hamburgers. No Fried Foods.

Just Chicken,

Fish,

Sandwiches,

Wraps,

Salads,

Fruits,

Vegetables,

and Wheat Bran Cereal. LOL.

I'm going to start off small, and do it for 2 weeks.

I passed week 1 perfectly... now Im on week 2.

I WANT SOME FRENCH FRIES SO BADLY!

But its all about control. On top of that, I am doing crunches and push-ups to tone my body, and get my abs tight. I feel a difference, but haven't seen it yet. I'm going to try and be consistent and patient. You guys have to stay on me though.

So my American Idol parties have been a success, but to bad the FINAL PARTY won't happen! I'm not doing a big huge party for TAYLOR! It is just not going to happen! Everyone can still come over, and watch, but I won't like it. Not one bit. Damn Taylor! Why Paris, WHY! Bring back Lotoya London & Jennifer Hudson! Bring Back Nikko! Oooooo Nikko!

Sigh. At least a Black girl won on America's Next Top Model.
Eva is always on the move, did you see her in Jamie Foxx video? Sexy!

I have so much cleaning to do this this house, I should not be online! LOL
Let me go be productive.

Holla At Ya Boy!

[shawnqt]

GOT YOU!

2006-05-15T17:27:00.000-07:00

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!

781-382-3756

2006-05-14T01:30:00.000-07:00

I really dont have anything to say. lol.

Right now, I'm at Fuzzy's house, waiting for him to get back from church. Today is hard for him, since his mother passed away last year. So I decided to take him out to New York, so he wouldn't be in the house sad. It's a surprize, so he doesn't know where I am taking him.

We are actually going to Dave & Busters in Times Square New York. You know, get something to eat, and beat him at Air Hockey... should be fun!

I have been staying at work late all this week! Sucks, but at least I'm getting some extra cash. I went to my friend Brian's party on Friday, and that was fun! I had to leave a little bit early because I had to work on Saturday. I really wanted to stay and enjoy everyone's company, but you have to be a responsible adult.

[781-382-3756]

Yesterday I just chilled all day. I slept most of the day since I was tired from Friday night, and then we went to the comic book store to pick up "Civil War." It's really cool! What happen was, a couple of low-class superheros are going around taken down villians for a reality tv show. The villians are just chillin in the living room watching tv, and here comes the heros busting in so they can get ratings for there show. While in battle, a super-villian used his power and destroyed a school filled with 300 children!

The irreponsible act of the super-heros costed lives, and now the president and the government wants to register all super-powered beings. The government wants to train the heros to use there powers correctly, and be held accountable if they do something wrong. They should not be above the law, but uphold the law. While it would be good, some superheros have secret identies that they need to help protect themselves and there loved ones. It's a good read.

[781-382-3756]

Fuzzy made dinner that night, and we watched one of Tyler Perry's plays, but we both fell asleep. lol.

I'm going too be working on a major graphic design project that will be coming out this fall. I'm so excited about it, but I can't reveal too much. It's going to be hot though.

I called my mom a couple of minutes ago, and of course she isn't home, but she feels a day off from being a mom is the best way to celebrate Mother's day. Go ahead Mom, do your thing!

I'm like so hungry! I can't wait till he gets back and we can get out of here.

[781-382-3756]

I don't know if I want a PS3 or a Wii!

I don't know if I want to pay $500 for a PS3, but I have a PS2, so I feel obligated, lol. Plus, there games are way better, and the graphics are killer! BUT, Wii looks really cool, and I like the new controller! I love the Zelda game, but the graphics won't be that good, or at least better then PS3. But, it will be cheaper! I never get a system when it first comes out, so I want to this time, especially since I have the money. That's if I can even find one, that is another story.

Ok I stink, let me get in the shower, I'll holla at you guys later!

[781-382-3756]

URK-MAN

2006-05-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

It was in the 7th grade. I just graduated elementary school and I had to go to a new middle school. It was like a magnet school for kids that were gifted in ART. Now you would think the school had to be on point. Yeah right, the school was ghetto as hell! But I grew up in the hood, so I was used to it. I was never no one's "gangsta." I was me. I played with action figures while everyone went out playing basketball, stealing peoples bikes, and fighting everyone they saw. I just gotten my glasses, and then, they were just too big for my face! So with me having big glasses, me being short, and me being the not so stylish kid... I was a target for:

being called names
everyone pulling down my sweat pants
peanut butter and jelly sandwiches squished in my face
and ecto cooler squirted all over my clothes

Embarrassing! I hated going to that school. But the weird thing about it was, whenever we was in Art class, they never picked on me. They actually gave me compliments! But as soon as we go out of the class, I was nobody all over again.

To them, I was Urk-Man, there very own geeky Steve Urkel.

There were only like A couple of boys in our 7th grade class. All the popular dudes were in "Da Gang." For me to be part of "Da Gang" I had to go through some tests. Kha was one of the leaders, and he messed with me the most. He was tall, thick, and had a bald head. Not cute at all ! There was this other guy. His name was L-Dogg. He was so sexy! Light skin, chinky eyes, big pink lips, nice slim body, and a lil thugged out. This was around the time when gangsta rap was big, so everyone wanted to be a Gangsta! You had to know all the raps from"The Chronic" or you wasn't cool. I admit, I did like the songs, but I was no where near a "gangsta." Then there was JM, Has, and Adam, all of them cool were cool, and they didn't bother me much, but they were followers, so when Kah messed with me, they all messed with me!

I remember, the first test was I had to fight one of the members of the "Da Gang." I had to fight JM. Now JM had big muscles for a young dude., but he wasn't the brighest out of our class. So Kha, put us all in the boys bathroom and told us to have it out. I was so scared... but the adrenaline was pumping in my body, and I had to beat this dude down so that I wouldn't have them teasing me anymore.

So he punches me in the stomach, and I punch him right in his jaw. He falls back, and I punched him right in his chest, and then he bum-rushes me. He punked out. You know in boxing your not suppose to be all hugged up on your opponent. So he gets a couple of hits towards my ribs, and I push him to the wall, and bang his head on the urinal. LOL.

JM starts bleeding, and everyone stopped the fight. I pasted the first test. I wasn't really hurt either. A little soar though. JM gave me a pound and a hug, and we were still cool after that. Kah just looked at me like, he didn't care, but L-Dogg gave me my props.

The second test was that I had beat up a sixth grader. I soooo didn't want to do that! L-Dogg was the only one with me this time.

L-Dogg said, "Yo punch lil man right in his face!"
His lil sister was Like, " If you punch him, I'll going to get my daddy to kick your azz!"

The kid was a lil' chunky, smaller then me.

"I'm Sorry," I said and I punched him dead in his eye! He fell to the ground, and me and L-Dogg ran down the streets, while lil-momma was screaming...

"Come back Here, I'm going to get ya'll"

The bad thing about it was, the 6th grader lived few houses down from L-Dogg! Yo, why did the police come knocking on L-Dogg's door. I was so scared. We looking out the window, and lil-momma and her Dad were across the street. I could see her pointing to the house. We never did answer the door. After like 30 minutes, the cops left, we cracked up laughing thinking we were real "gangstas."

[come to think about, we never did get caught after that.]

L-Dogg looked out for me. One day, we was in his room, and he asked me to get this shirt out of his closet. As soon as I open the door, I saw mad Action-Figures in a crate! He had Ninja Turtles, Marvel Superheros, Batman, GI-Joes, He-Man, Thundercats, Everything!

He told me he still plays with them, but none of his boys knew, and if they did, they would clown him for life! I told him, I still play with my action figures, and that next weekend, we had a huge battle on his bedroom floor. He said, if you don't tell anyone about this, I'll tell the boys to let you in "Da Gang" and stop messing with you all the time. That worked for me!

The last test was CRAZY! I had to smoke weed! Now Kha wanted to get me so high that it made me sick. Honestly, I think Kha was jealous of my talent, and just wanted to fuck my head up. He was a big dude, and I think he enjoyed power. He just needed someone to push around so that it made him feel like he was somebody. Most of the boys in "Da Gang" never really listened to him, so he just picked on me. So Kha lights up the blunt, and passes it over to me.

So then L-Dogg steps in, and tells Kha I'm not smoking.

"What you mean the nigga ain't smokin? Who is he, your fuckin girlfriend or something?" Kah said.
"Fuck You Kah, this my lil man here, he already proved himself, leave him alone," L-Dogg said.

Kah looks at me.
He tells me to stand up.
I stand up.
Kah makes a fist.
I look at his hand.
He looks me in the eye.
I feel a sweat coming down my face.
He moves his arm and his fist towards my face...
He stops.

I didn't move.
I didn't flinch.
I look him in the eye.
He smiles.

"Whatever nigga," and he walks away.

sigh. I'm safe! I was so scared! But the teasing did stop, but they still called me Urk-Man. I still had my big glasses. I was still short. I still wasn't stylish.

But I had heart.

[check me out at myspace.com \ be my friend \ it will be fun]

[my space]

2006-05-06T08:00:00.000-07:00

CHECK ME OUT AT MYSPACE.COM
[be my Friend \ it will be fun]

Pinkin' Ain't Easy

2006-05-03T18:21:00.000-07:00

This week has been crazy!

Why was I crying this morning?

I was going to work, had my ipod on, and I was listening to this song my boyfriend introduced to me. "Imagine Me" off Kirk Franklin's Hero Album. So I'm listening to it, and the music & lyrics, just hit me. I just let it all go...

Boss going on rants for no reason.

People stealing money from me.

Rumors plaguing my closest friends.

Boyfriends stealing my cousin's car.

Just too much this week. But I had my GOD moment... just to get that sign from GOD reassured me that everything was going to be ok.

On Friday, I went to Clay's party... it was mad fun! Happy Birthday Clay! If you didn't see him dance, you missed out! Bunny is crazy funny... and my friends better stop trying to give me jello shots like I drink! Why does everyone want to see my drunk?

It's always good to hang out with my friends, everyone is just so cool, and mad funny... I feel like I can really can be myself around them. Bougie is so fun to hang out with... he so crazy! Hey Bougie!

AfterClay's party, we all went out to eat, and then me, Omar, and my boyfriend went to the village to find me some sexy underwear. I'm really looking for the ultimate sexy pair of underwear! If anyone knows where else I can find them, let me know!

That Saturday, me and Omar went right back up to NYC to go to Derrick L. Briggs Book Club. Rumors was the topic! It was a good thing to discuss, but me personally, I pretty much know how to deal with rumors. I had to pass on some advise to a close friend of mine who is dealing with a rumor now. It's always good to see Derrick, and I even met a few friends there. Hey Jared!

I feel myself really starting to lose patience with people. Why do people have to be so ignorant and inconsiderate? I never really had to deal with such strong negativity! You can't change everyone! You can't curse them out! And, it so hard to ignore! sigh.

This just stresses how you really need to keep strong and positive people in your circle. I finally deleted my adam4adam account, and so did my boyfriend.

[applause]

It just really wasn't worth it anymore. I'm not hating on the site, just stating my experiences on there. Its crazy that all these stories about these sex sites are linked to HIV & AIDS. Outside of that, the major problem is that we don't know how to use our sexual energy properly! We get so caught up in the physical, we forget about the mental and the spiritual! I pray that it turns around, and black gay men will lift up and be the true kings and princes we deserve to be!

[It ain't easy fellas.. Pinkin ain't easy!]

NOMOREADAM4ADAM4ME!

2006-04-26T19:00:00.000-07:00

NOW LOOK WHO HIT ME UP ON A4A?

He talking about he saw my profile and I look fine as hell!

He wants to get to know me,

see if I can bounce my azz on his dick.

Wants to know what's good, and am I down?

ShawnQt is Online Now!
NEW JERSEY, Newark

Profile

HOLLA AT ME!
25, 5'6, (1.68m), 140lb (64kg), 31w, Swimmer's Build, Black Hair, Smooth, Black, Looking for Friendship

Trendy, not out, don't smoke, don't drink, don't use drugs,

Zodiac Aries, Safe Sex Only, HIV-

R&B Music, Poetry, Cartoons, Blogging, Numerology, Dancing,

Create Music Videos, Collecting Action Figures.

Designer

Yet people don't want to hear about all that. That want to see that you into 1-on-1 sex, 3somes, Group Sex, and have Misc Fetishes. They want to know if your a Top. They want to know if your a Bottom. They want to know if your Versatile. You have to be 9" cut, 10" uncut, 11" cut, 12" uncut! And you most def better be HIV-

Because its all about sex, protected or unprotected. Don't ask don't tell. NO CUNTS, NO FEMS, NO TRANNYS... because everyone is a Thug. Digging deep and wearing out tight round asses. So as you scroll through your city, all you see is dick & azz, dick & azz, dick & azz ...no photo... dick & azz, dick & azz... oh he's cute... oh shit, look at his body in his second pic... let me hit him up to see his private...

...It's all about the private. Everyone is on the DL, trying to get into those private parts, in the privacy of there crib. My place, your place, its your preference. Because when it all goes down, they finally got that number, and finally got that address, and finally got that nut... they'll be on adam shopping for another nut tommorrow night.

Yet everyone isn't like that. Hey... I met some mad cool, genuine dudes on adam. You know, Quality people. I even know some bloggers on there. So who am I to talk so bad about the site. I mean, on the real? Where else can you meet people in your city so quickly? I mean really!

So why not use the site to look for Interesting Kats that's about something. I have my own spot, trying to setup a couple of Cool peeps to just Chill and Bugout from time to time. I usually get along with Creative, Intelligent, Brothas who have a good sense of humor. I stated that I'm in a relationship... but they don't see that.

All they see is my "thugged out" pose, and brothas are going to "try it".

Relationship? Maybe he's not happy.

Relationship? Maybe they want a threesome?

Relationship? Maybe he just wants to get his shit off one time, no strings attached.

NO, I'm just looking for friends, BLOCK!

NO, my man's dick is big enough for me, BLOCK!

NO, I don't want you to lick my azz, BLOCK!

So its my fault. I'm looking for frienship on a sex site. I'm wrong. So... its cool.

NO MORE ADAM4ADAM 4 ME!

THE LAST STAND

2006-04-26T18:00:00.000-07:00

A "cure" for mutancy threatens to alter the course of history. For the first time, mutants have a choice: retain their uniqueness, though it isolates and alienates them, or give up their powers and become human. The opposing viewpoints of mutant leaders Charles Xavier, who preaches tolerance, and Magneto, who believes in the survival of the fittest, are put to the ultimate test--triggering the war...

[I can't wait... what about the movie can't you wait to see?]

A Brotha got Skills...

2006-04-26T17:00:00.000-07:00

[This design I did in undergrad. I wanted the design to feel like a "kid streching gum into imagination." Also wanted to have that vintage Bazooka feel to it.]

[ I so love IHOP! This design was done in undergrad as well. I actually poured real syrup on a plate, scanned it, took photos of it, and created an illustration to go with it. I wanted the Syrup to feel sexy.]

[ I did this design for Larry D. when he was a undergrad at Rutgers . He wanted me to design something for his event "Eargasms." It was a Valentine poetry event, and we wanted it to feel sexy yet have that old school jazzy feel to it.]

[This is a recent design, you guys may have already seen for Derrick L. Briggs Book Club. We decided we wanted to have these "ghosted" words that represented rumors. It has a very haunting feel, kinda like the feeling you may have when you hear a rumor about yourself.]

[what do you guys think?]

FINAL 16 QUESTIONS ANSWERED...FINALLY!

2006-04-19T23:00:00.000-07:00

11. Antneya said...
Are you tucking yourself in your Superman briefs?

Ohhh yes! Taken photos like that, turns me on. I couldn't stop being brick! So I'm like, I don't want it hanging all out, so I pushed it down more towards my legs so it wouldn't be poking straight out. Hey is happens... I was scared to do it at first, but I'm grown!

12. Rodney asks...
If you were given the magical power to change just one thing, what would would you change? The sky's the limit!

Hmmm... I could always say world peace, but that wouldn't be a creative answer! I would want to create my own world! A place within my imagination where everything was mystical and magical. I would create purple animals and magenta birds... and the plants would talk, and the water would glow.... the people would have three eyes... spots... be half naked... floating around and singing... I don't know, just my own world little creation.

13. Professorgq asks...
What is your most unusual phobia?

I know I have one, but its not coming to me right away. I don't like cats, but I'm not afraid of them. I don't like balloons being popped around me. Ohh I know... ZOMBIES! I can't stand ZOMBIES, and its all Michael Jackson's Fault... damn Thriller! I can't take it! Resident Evil... tried playing that game. I didn't get past the first 30 seconds of it. Yeah no Zombies for me! I just don't like things chasing me that have no control and can't be reasoned with.

14. Georgia Peach asks...
How many women have you been with?

Been with like dated? Have sex? Liked? I liked a lot of girls. A lot of girls didn't like me. I have come to realize that I'm just too short for some girls, and its cool.

I did have a couple of girlfriends, but had one major girlfriend in the 10th grade. Alnisha. sigh. I really loved her at the time, we dated for close to a year. I could get her off just by sucking on her ear. That was fun!

I never had sex with a girl before, but I have fingered one... it wasn't that bad. I like seeing her get off. I remember titty-fucking her and she was like "Shawn, don't cum on my face..." and all I would say is, "SHUT UP!" I never did though.

What's weird was, I never liked her dressing like a boy. Oh well. She didn't have a lot of confidence in high school, and I wasn't attracted to that. Maybe that's why I like men? I don't know!

15. Dayne Avery asks...
If there was one food that you had to eat everyday for the rest of your life, what would it be? (and dont say french fries cuz I read the blog)

I really enjoy peanut butter and jelly sandwiches... speaking of which, let me get one right now...

16. lj asks...
um do you like alligators?

Ummm no, what kind of question is that? Do you like Alligators? DAMN! :)

17. Paula D ask...
What is the most scandalous thing you have ever done with another person?

Alright, I'll be honest. I have had sex with someone while someone else was watching me, actually a couple of people were watching. It was fun, lol.

Sometimes you just have to have fun with sex, and sometimes you have to keep it private and intimate with your man. If anything else, it brings spice into your love life!

18. 4gotten1 asks...
If you died today how do you want to be remembered?

I was on my way home today, and I saw that someone had made a shrine on the street of someone that pasted away. There where cards, flowers, photos, candles, signed shirts... it was real sad. It made me realize that when you die, all that is left behind is the love and effect you have on people. Not your job, not your accomplishments, none of that matters anymore.

It's what you do with your job, your accomplishment, and how it can help someone else that matters. The love you have for those people is what really stays. I want to be remembered for uplifting & spreading GOD's Legacy of Love to all my family and friends.

19. Cash asks...
Which 3 bloggers would you go on a date with?

Of course I am not going to answer that questions, since I do have a boyfriend. But I will say that I have dated a blogger before. There was one blogger that I was very infatuated with... actually because he reminded me of the blogger that I dated. I think there are a lot of good looking and intelligent bloggers... but I'm all about the Fuzz!

20. Captain Cabinet asks...
What do you see the gay culture will be in the next 10 years?

I really beleive the cure for HIV or AIDS is in the near future. Either people can prevent themselves from getting the virus, or find away to get rid of the virus from infected people. This will bring the gay culture to another turning point. We will either be more consious of the sexual acts we presue ourselves in, or turn into sex-crazed beings further being isolated from human society. Which will you choose?

21. luvin me asks...
This is actually 2 questions in one...If you could do one big thing for someone special to you, who would you choose? and what would you do?

Buy my Momma a house, and decorate and style it just for her in a reality tv show!

22. Professorgq asks...
If quizzed, what topic do you think you can outsmart almost any blogger about?

Anything and Everything TLC!

23. kristen asks...
ever cheated or plaigarized in school?

cheated? yes! plaigarized? no!

24. Dayne Avery asks...
Whats your fantasy?

Sexual Fantasy? An intimate moment under a waterfall!

25. 4gotten1 asks...
How would your friends best describe you?

I don't know, probably something bad! Let's ask them:

LET'S ASK OMAR...

ShawnQt: How would you describe me?

Omar: physically? or in terms of your character?

ShawnQt: anything

Omar: beautifully authentic, refreshingly complete.

ShawnQt: ooooh yeah, that's going on the blog!

Omar: LOL

GOT TO LOVE HIM, LET'S ASK QUAHEEM...

ShawnQt: How yould you describe me?

Quaheem: --------

ShawnQt: (awaiting for QuaQua to come back)

Quaheem: hmmmm... sorry, I was on the phone.

Quaheem: I'm going to use adjectives.

Quaheem: passionate....faithful....hospitable...thoughtful....loyal...sensual...

Quaheem: those are what I could come up with....I am sure there is more..but I'd have to spend more time around you

ShawnQt: so you can see the bad side of me, lol

Quaheem: If u have a bad side it means you are beautiful. Beautifully human

ShawnQt: See that's why I like you!

THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING BAD ABOUT ME,

LET'S ASK UNCONQUERABLE SOUL...

ShawnQt: how would you describe me?

Unconquerable Soul: Hmmmm

Unconquerable Soul: Well, I would say a talented, mature, humble, caring, confident, freaky young black man

ShawnQt: Alright now!

I KNOW FUZZY HAS SOMETHING BAD TO SAY!

Mr ShawnQt: how would you describe me?

Fuzzy: practical, intelligent, witty, handsome, creative, artful, funny, dedicated, patient, sexy of coarse, caring, understanding, empathetic, sympethetic

ShawnQt: wow... anything bad?

Fuzzy: uhhhh... hold on a sec

ShawnQt: (Awaiting to see if I have to kick his azz!)

Fuzzy; Nope, not at the moment

Shawn (wink)

OH WELL!

26. reddman asks...
What question did no one ask... but you want to answer?

Let me think... Have you ever gotten the Holy Ghost?

Actually I think I got the Holy Ghost on Easter! I am not a religious person at all, and I just started going to chuch since I have been with Fuzzy. I actually went recently to see Fuzzy sing, and I was so scared, I had to leave early. It was just very overwhealming! It felt like being at a rock concert, everyone knows the songs, and dancing up and down, and your like... what is going on! So on Easter, I had my moment at home. I always wanted to let go, and I did. I put my IPOD on, played some gospel songs Fuzzy sent me, and was PRAISING THE LORD! LIFTING HIM UP, SINGING ABOUT HOW INCREDIBLE JESUS IS, AND HOW FAITHFUL GOD IS! I WAS SINGING SO LOUD, AND STOMPING... CLAPPING... CRYING! I LET GO, AND IT FELT GOOD!

So my grandmother is banging on my door and she thought something was wrong with me... she said she has been trying to call me and no one would answer, and she just heard me screaming. The floor was shaking... she thought I was either drunk, high, crazy... or was having the holy ghost.

I guess it was the latter. :)

[Thanks GOD!]

FEEL FREE TO E-MAIL ME... I LOVE E-MAILS!
MrShawnQt@yahoo.com

I FINALLY GOT MY IPOD!

2006-04-10T21:45:00.000-07:00

"Ohhh yeah, It's my birthday! Going to Ipod it like it's my Birthday!"

Yo! I'm like so excited. As a birthday gift to me, I decided to finally get my IPOD!

Look at it! Isn't it beautiful? I got the 30 GB Black IPOD Video. I been waiting for months to get this badboy. I went with my boyfriend to get it. He actually got it for me for a reasonable discount price [40 Bucks off!!!] Always good to date somebody with connections! I'm going to be an IPOD freak! If anyone has one, and has any tips for me, let me know! You know, have IPOD talk, lol. Right now I'm just waiting for the music to finish loading from Itunes.

On the side note: I'm glad everyone enjoyed the last post, LOL. NO MORE PARTIES FOR AWHILE! [ok maybe tommorrow since its American Idol night] But no more Major Parties! I'm suppose to be writing a story for Derrick L. Briggs Book Club, but I don't know how to start my story. I guess it will come to me. I'm also trying to find a way to get to Blogtopia's Power Couple: Bobby & Rodney's get together later on this month... [I'm trying ya'll!] I miss talking to Trent Jackson. I don't have his new number saved on my cell phone, so I can't keep up with him as I usually do. Call me on my Cell! I'm so going to download the porno Valentino mentioned! That's hot him & Red are getting together! Have you guys been to Heartbreaker's blog lately? Talk about KILLER ABS! Hey Stone! Why didn't you come to my party? On top of that, LARRY D... Why didn't you come to my party? I know you all stuck up in a hotel getting your birthday cookies milked... but hit a brotha up! Ladynay thanks for the gift!

[YES! I am so stalling until my ipod is loaded]

I just ate a Whopper Junior... I'm still hungry. I always get it with no onions... I can't stand onions! I had some chinese food earlier...

IT'S DONE!

OK, I'm out! About to go listen to my tunes, holla at ya later! If you have an IPOD, hit me up!

FUZZY'S BIRTHDAY SLUMBER PARTY!

2006-04-06T21:45:00.000-07:00

Last Saturday, was my boyfriend's birthday slumber party. Interesting enough, our birthdays are one week apart. It's really interesting dating another Aries. It always seems like there is a lot of sexual energy around us. I don't mind. He is so sexy to me... that's Fuzzy!

Here is me smiling for the camera! Hey ya!

What up Kid! This is Darren, Me, and Fuzzy. Me and Darren were bugging out all night remembering our huge crushes on "The Boys". Ya remember them, 4 cute lil' boys singing about "Dial My Heart" & "You got me going Crazy!" We downloaded some of there songs was was getting down. Did you know they had four albums!

Hey My Omar! Omar always ready for the camera. That's because he knows the photo is going up on my blog... I'm going to get him looking crazy one day! For now he's looking sexy as hell in red!

Most of the night consisted of us watching X-Men 2 and playing board games. We all played "7 Deadly Sins" That game is crazy! People kissing on people! Me humping a pillow like I was mating with a slug! Fuzzy going crazy like a Angry Bear after his cubs! Omar acting like Whitney on Crack! Seems like Ms. Butterworth was the joke of the night! I was rolling!

Here's Fuzzy with his Ice cream Cake! He didn't think he was getting a cake, since I already had two cakes still in the Fridge, but he had to have his own cake. It was quite good too.

Here is my baby's present...

I got him some flavored condoms, an invisible pen, a talking photo frame, a flashlight keychain, a bracelet that says "Strength" on it, Memoirs of a Geisha (The first movie we ever saw), and the Tyler Perry Boxset with all his plays! He loved them all! We watching Madea's Family Reunion later on that night.

See that's what he gets for drinking and acting a fool!

Someone had the bright idea of who ever fell asleep, we would put lotion on them... well of course Fuzzy ALWAYS falls asleep first, so we got it right where the sun don't shine! So, he wanted to get even! We tried to get Darren, but he was too good... but we got my boy Ra later... then it seemed like they got me as well! Payback is a B*tch! How come Omar didn't get lotioned down? Hmmm.

In the morning we all decided to eat Fruity Pebbles and Frosted Flakes.

This is Ra, doing his "I want some Fruity Pebbles" dance!

Hey Ty! Is it good?

This is me and Fuzzy, looking sexy in the morning! I know I said I was going to take down photos of me in my underwear, but I can't help it! LOL. This is the last one I promise. But my baby does look sexy though... We had a great time! Happy Birthday Fuzzy!

STOP HO'ING YOURSELF ON YOUR BLOG!

2006-04-06T06:56:00.000-07:00

Why the heaven you got that damn picture of you with your underwear showing? Take that damn picture down! Your momma taught you better then that! You get a little attention, and get beside yourself! Take that damn picture down! You 26 damn years old, ACT LIKE IT! Your a brotha with class and intelligence, and here you are ho'ing yourself on your blog

TAKE THAT DAMN PICTURE DOWN!
Thanks

[self]

FIRST 10 QUESTIONS ANSWERED!

2006-04-03T21:00:00.000-07:00

1. In The Mix With Trent asks...
Shawn. My question is are we ever going to get to see you naked in your pool?

What pool are you talking about? The Pool on my blog? NEVER! I will never pose naked on my blog. What do you guys take me for! Always tasteful! I think I have always taken very seductive photos since I have been online. You have to remember I used to be considered a "nerd" for most of my life, so I feel like I'm playing catch up. The photo at the top [THAT WAS TAKEN DOWN!] was taken when I was 18 or 19. I did a photoshoot with this guy, and they turned out really nice, but he was so trying to get in my pants! I wasn't attracted to him at all, and he ended up jerking off while I was putting my clothes on. I couldn't tell him to stop, it was his house! Just a warning to those of you thinking about getting some photography done... try to be mindful of peoples intent! I'll post some more photos later [NO THE HEAVEN YOU WON'T! THIS AIN'T ADAM4ADAM!]... but not NAKED! YA'LL NASTIES!

2. Bougie Black Boy asks...
If you weren't at your current job, what would you rather be doing?

I would be a music video director! I always could listen to music and envision things in my head. My mind is very visual. I have DREAMS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT! I remember them all to. I think Hype Williams and Paul Hunter are good directors. I used to write up video treatments for artist all the time in high school. Sometimes I would hear a new song on the radio, think of what the video could look like, and be so disappointed that it didn't live up to the vision in my head, lol. I used to watch music videos a lot... remember VIDEO JUKEBOX? I would never order the videos, just wait till someone else did it!

3. Terrance said...
My question: Who is your best friend and what is the best and worse thing about him / her?

I would have to say my godbrother Malik & My Omar. I love Malik's personality. He is one of the craziest people I know. He's funny, attractive, and intelligent. We have a strong chemistry together when we hang out! What I dislike about him is his strong lack of other people's time! He's working on it though.

I love Omar's generosity. He is the most giving and helpful person I know. He knows how to make you smile, and make you feel like your the most special person in the world. What I dislike about him is that he doesn't know how to say "NO" to people that take advantage of him.

4. Valentino asks...
Where you get those underwear from?

H&M... I love underwear! They make me feel so fucking sexy! I love underwear on guys as well, such a turn on! Boxers, briefs, Thongs, Whatever! Love it!

5. Cash S. asks...
Would you date a fat guy?

I have before. He was sweet, and could write a poem like no other. What I didn't like about him was that he made his weight an issue more then I did. I'm attracted to confidence. I don't seek out "fat guys", but if one comes along, and there sexy, of course. But no sloppies though!

6. Ruben Porras asks...
What are your pet peeves?

There are only two things that really get to me! A slow computer and people being late! Uggh!

7. Epsilonicus ask...
What is one experience that you would say is life altering???

I would say me being turned down by this guy, who I thought was very attractive. He only wanted to be friends with me, but I still tried to pursue him on a sexual level. He told me to leave his house by the time he got out of the shower. I was very upset!

Why I was so desperate! I started writing in a notebook on his bed, writing to GOD to send me a sign, and make this ok. GOD did, as I started drawing out the phoenix bird. It was then that I was "reborn", and it made me the spiritual person I am today!

8. Antneya asks...
If there was a pill that could make you straight, would you consider taking it?

Let me first state that being homosexual to me has been a blessing! I don't think I would make a really good heterosexual anyway, lol. I think women are so beautiful, but I don't think women ever looked at me the same way. I don't think I am at the standard that most women would want in a man physically. I'm only going by my experiences. I have tried to get with girl after girl, and only one was really into me. Yet, when I started dating guys, I got SOOO much attention, I was like, where is this coming from? lol. If I was given a pill now to make me straight, I would pass.

Why? I have been so into men for so long, it would make it hard to be with a woman now. I wouldn't even know what to do first. I would feel like a 13 year old boy trying to get with a 25 year old woman.

Sometimes I wish my life was easier, and maybe living a heterosexual life would solve that, but I doubt it would. I am me, and you just have to love it! Besides, I don't use drugs, lol.

9. LUVIN ME asks...
Do you believe in soul mates?

I want to say yes. But for some reason I feel hesitant. What is a soul mate? Someone that you will spend your life with forever? Some one you have a deep spiritual connection with? Do they have to be lovers or friends? Has GOD really created one special person for all of us? What if you find that person, and then you break up with them... will GOD send you another soul mate?

Let me think about that more... See got me all thinking now!

10. 4gotten1 asks...
Knowing what you know about yourself, Would you date You?

I'm fine as hell, of course! LOL, on the real... NO! Don't get me wrong, I think I have GREAT QUALITIES to date! But I am more passive, I want someone that is more aggressive, because I feed off there energy. I want to be intrigued by other people's thinking besides my own. I like to be on my toes, don't want to be with someone that is predictable. At least the dick size won't be a problem!

[THE NEXT SET OF QUESTIONS LATER ON THIS WEEK!]

MAN OF STEEL'S 26TH BIRTHDAY PARTY

2006-03-29T23:30:00.000-08:00

What's going on Everyone! I had such a great weekend with all my friends, it was crazy! So many people came, I got some really nice presents! The Food was so good! It was very emotional & and amazing to be around all my friends, a dream come true! I got to hang out with some bloggers... its always good to see them! I Just had a great weekend, nuff said! So here are the photos, enjoy! I will add some captions in the coming days to let you guys know the details of what went down!

[CHECK BACK SOON AS I ANSWER YOUR 26 QUESTIONS!]

26 QUESTIONS!

2006-03-19T00:30:00.000-08:00

In Celebration of my 26th Birthday,

I'm giving everyone a chance to ask me

any question you wanted to know about ShawnQt!

I will answer 26 random questions,

Openly & Honestly,

and answer them at the end of the week.

You can ask me as many question as you want,

but if I don't get 26 questions, this post will be gone

faster then a speeding bullet, lol.

ASK AWAY!

[please also read the post below]

COUNTDOWN TILL I PARTY DOWN...

2006-03-19T00:00:00.000-08:00

Yo, I'm really having a party!

I don't know about ya, but I'm like so excited. I haven't had a birthday party since I was in grade school, LOL! I wanted to do one for my 18th Birthday, but that didn't happen. Then I tried to have one for my 21st, and that didn't happen. So then I tired for my 25th... you guessed it, that didn't happen. So... why not 26! Alive, and I want to live it up!

I am really shocked at how many people are coming (My Friends & Bloggers)! Just waiting for the rest of the RSVP's to come in so I can find out much food I have to buy. Me, my boyfriend, My Omar, and my friend Brian finalized the menu, but I want to add some extra items to it. I'm always coming up with ideas!

I just came up with this idea called "The Strawberry Bounce" Dance Contest... yo, its going to be hot! Just use your imagination. Are you ready?

Cha Cha Heels & Pancakes!

I spent most of the weekend with my friends (around 6 of us), which was a lot of fun. Friday Night, me and My Omar went to see Clay Cane's play "Sex, God & Heels." It was so good, and very funny! I was really excited in meeting him. I love being around creative people! There were plenty of bloggers in attendance. Jamal Franklin, Bougie, Derrick Briggs, Prodigal Sun, & Nathan. I really enjoyed the last segment where Clay addressed the hypocrisy of the church and how people pick out sin for there own agenda. Funny & Amazing!

After we left there, we met up with my Boyfriend and friends, and went to IHOP and just chilled and bugged out. We saw our favorite waitress (Hey Girl!), and she came over and sat with us. We always attract the employees when ever we go out! After IHOP, we went to Pathmark to get some Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream (which was on sale might I add), then headed to my house to watch ummm... "Harry Potter", LOL. I haven't seen any of them, so I'm trying to catch up so I can watch the 4th one.

Everyone left, but My Omar fell asleep on the coach. (I'm getting him a Futon soon!) Me and my Boyfriend, couldn't sleep for some reason, and stayed up doing, ummm "stuff." lol. I like doing "stuff" with my Baby! He got some good "stuff."

GOD SAVED US, How Incredible!

That Saturday morning, we all went to my Baby's choir rehearsal. This is the second time I have been. I'm not really a church person, but I do honor my past church upbringing. I'm also not a big gospel listener, but his choir is really good! They sang this song called "Incredible GOD", MAN I LOVE THIS SONG! I went home and downloaded and I listen to it all the time! It feels good to be a part of my boyfriend's passion. I just want to be there to support him. He has a couple of concerts coming up this week, so I'll make one or two of them. Even though we both experience the divine differently, we both respect our beliefs. He's not a hypocritical Christian, like many of the experiences I have had with some. He understands that everyone experiences GOD differently. He doesn't force me to go to church with him, and I'm cool with that.

After that, another friend of ours was having a birthday dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, so we was heading out there, and we got into a Car Accident! Thank GOD no one was hurt, and there wasn't any major damage to either car. We was going straight, and the lady was on the other side of the road trying to turn at the intersection. It seemed like she either slowed down or stopped in the middle of the road... either way, we didn't stop in time and we hit her on the side. She got like a dent, and my boyfriend's car light won't come up. But we are alive! We were saved, GOD is so Incredible!

The worst part about the experience was that the cops took FOREVER to come! There was like 4 cop cars that rolled by, and we flagged them down, and they just keep going. One did stop, and just told us they would send out a car. HELLO, your the cops, PROTECT AND SERVE US! Then he drives off throwing a candy wrapper out the window! DAMN COPS! So we waited a hour and a half for the cops to come. Mind you, it was 5 of us in the car... quite cramped. We made the best of it though. Just joking and laughing. Interesting enough, the Cheesecake Factory had a 3 hour wait. So we all decided to just go to Applebees which was closer. Once again, we get there, and we always attract the employees to join us and bug out with us! My boy J, even flirted with our "male" waiter, so that we could bring the bill down some. That's Game!

After that, everyone was pretty tired, and we just headed home.

SENTIMENTAL & MONETARY GIFTS ARE A PLUS!

Now its Sunday morning, and I'm just trying to plan the events for the party. Figure out my budget. I'm going to be real with you guys. Remember I had a Housewarming Party a couple of months back? Did you know not one of my friends helped me out with anything for my apartment! (Except Key, he got me some really cool plates) It's cool, because I am not a materialistic person AT ALL! But I did need a little bit of help. So for my birthday, Im expecting SOMETHING! LOL. Like it says on the invite:

GIFTS ARE ACCEPTED. SENTIMENTAL & MONETARY GIFTS ARE A PLUS!

I don't want anyone to think I'm all about gifts, because just everyone coming and us experiencing each other is enough for me, but this time, I guess I do expect something. Does that make sense? I love all my friends, and they are always there for me!

Ladynaynay sent me an e-mail asking me what my wish list was. I don't know LOL.

I would be interested in some Gay Novels. Book about Spirituality, Jesus, & GOD. I LOVE ARTWORK! Maybe Something abstract that has some reds, greens, blues, & browns in it. I love when people make artwork for me. Homemade stuff is so fly! Some X-Men Posters would be TIGHT! The old X-Men Graphic Novels would be cool. I love Family Guy and Stewie of course! Dont own any of the DVDS of there past episodes. Stewie stuff makes me happy! I already have the stand-up, wallet, and pillow. Action-figures are my hobby, so I always love those. I really don't have a lot of stuff for the kitchen! Anything for my kitchen will make me happy... Especially cookbooks! Stuff from IKEA is cool. I'm a very creative person, so I like creative stuff!!!!! H&M is my favorite Clothing store! I'll take anything from there. Playstation 2 games I love. I love action-adventure games! I would love Prince of Persia 3 or God Of War. I don't turn down food! Gift cards are also great! Condoms and Lube are cool, LOL! I want my Godbrother to get me a PSP! He owes me, LOL!

AND OF COURSE, I 'M ALWAYS ACCEPTING DONATIONS TO THE

"SHAWN NEEDS AND IPOD" FUND!

Well let me finish up, I'm hungry, and I'm about to make me a peanut & butter sandwich!

Make sure you send me some questions in the post above!

BE READY!

2006-03-12T23:30:00.000-08:00

Tell Me Something

2006-03-08T02:00:00.000-08:00

So why did the plant just fall off the shelf at my job, and no one seen it fall? I mean, it was on the shelf, and plants don't just fall on the floor? Perfectly at the same spot! It's not tilted over, there's not a lot of dirt on the floor, its like it decided to replace itself from the shelf to the floor! Makes me think back to the Color Purple, "Is God trying to tell me something?"

Seems like GOD has been on my brain more then usual...

I was doing some research online about my name, and it means "God is Gracious."

We have ALL heard about the Wrath of GOD, hellfire, brimstone, & all that good stuff, but I always believed in expressing the gracious side of GOD. I guess I balance the universe out. I tend to extend myself a lot. Give off positive energy for everyone else, and tend to forget that I NEED IT TO.

Want to know a secret?

I hate showing people my weakness.
Yes I admit it! Even though, I AM THE MAN, sometimes I don't have to strength to deal with a lot of things. BUT, I'M STILL THE MAN. Yet, I understand that a man isn't always about showing how strong he is, but being able to show how venerable he is as well. So with that said, I confess... and I AM STILL THE MAN!

Is GOD trying to tell me something?

Larry D. Lyons is BACK! I'm really happy & excited because Larry has always been a strong sense of inspiration and support for me, through his blog & personally. I recently told him how much I value how our friendship has evolved, and it feels good to know, no matter what, I have someone that looks out for me. Thanks Larry D!

Also want to Thank MY Omar for being there for me. When I was trying to be strong, I could be weak on his shoulder. EVERY TIME Omar prays, some child in Africa is saved from Starvation, a European Country is spared from war and turmoil, and new planet is created with new life & a new civilization. Fo sho'! Thanks babe!

Also want to thank Trent Jackson for being there for me. I don't know why "ya" be hating on him, lol. He has such a warm spirit.

I have all these friends around me that care about me.
Is GOD trying to tell me something?

My birthday is coming up at the end of the month, and I'm letting EACH AND EVERYONE OF YOU KNOW, YOU'RE INVITED TO THE BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION! I don't know if I want to have dinner somewhere in NYC, and/or at my house. I'll let you guys know!

MARK YOUR CALENDARS: MARCH 27TH, 2006, BUT I MIGHT CELEBRATE IT THE SATURDAY BEFORE ON THE 25TH.

WOW, I'll be 26, I'm getting old. lol. At least I don't look old, and I sure as hell don't act old. I can be silly at times, and still be very mature. It feels good to go back in my blog and see how I have grown over the year. Got to love blogging!

Speaking of Blogging, I just noticed that my blog has received over 10,000 hits since 2006 has started. [applause] Thanks Everybody! Sometimes I get so caught up in writing that I forget how many people really do read this bad boy. Dizyaboy just recently did 100 Posts [I love his blog], and he was asking people what would make his blog better. Hmmm... I guess I can ask the same question for myself.. what can I do to make my blog better? I mean I can't just go out and have a even MORE exciting life... can I? I guess I will just try and be more creative without copying nobody else style. I haven't been using "This Book Will Change Your Life" lately, I guess I can dust it off, and try again.

I miss Aaliyah.
I miss Left Eye.

I would love to leave a legacy like they did.
Is GOD trying to tell me something?

[edit] And why this afternoon, I was in the living room, watching my porno, trying to get my "jerk on"... and there were noises coming from the closet. Ok, I can't be having no mice in this house! But the noises sounded like stuff was falling down, and it was trying to scratch its way out. Was it a big azz RAT? A brotha was too scared to jerk! So I went to get my Grandmother to see if we could get it out. Why when we opened the closet a BIRD started flying all over the place! Now, I'm a masculine guy, but I was swinging that broom in the air like a bitch! Get Out, LOL! Sigh. Is God trying to tell me something?

[why do I feel a strong urge to buy a plant? hmmmm]

POWER OF PRAYER

2006-03-05T09:15:00.000-08:00

"thegodrealmn" [marker, ink, & photoshop] by ShawnQt

dear god

i come to you, not for me

but for another.

there is someone

someone that lives for your legacy

who's health needs to be restored.

this can not be the life and the legacy

he leaves behind.

I know that everything

happens for a reason,

but if you say that

the power of prayer

can move mountains...

let me start at this moment!

I pray that you give him strength

give him comfort

give him hope

give him patience

give him a chance to make it right this time

give him a chance to honor you and the universe

give him the power to reveal

what a true spirit of god can do!

let him be judged not by man

but by you alone

give him the truth

let him become more then flesh

and become strong in spirit

let the god energy inside him

change the energy within

so that we can change the world

i come to you in prayer

and i bring with me others

let this be a testimony

of your mercy and grace

if i ask you of nothing else

do this for me...

for him

i pray to you

your a great and wonderful god

and i thank you

and love you

amen

Inspiration Behind the Art: "One day I was praying to GOD, and received this vision of a place between heaven and earth. It is here that I could have a personal connection to GOD. I later wrote a poem about the 'The God Realm', and shortly after started to draw out my vision. I used pencil, marker, and ink, then scanned the original image, and rendered it in photoshop to give it a more graphic feel. The mountain is GOD. The sunset: Heaven. The Phoenix Birds flying out of the sun: Enlightned beings, or Angels. The Waterfall: The pathway of souls from Heaven to Earth. The Lake: The combination of souls as one. The Forest: Earth. When I want to talk to GOD, I put on my Timberlands, and walk into the lake. When GOD speaks back, the waterfall lights up, and speaks in a male and female voice combined. It is here that I feel most connected to the Eternal Enity of Energy, The souce of all things, My Protector and Motivater: GOD."

SWIM

2006-02-25T17:30:00.000-08:00

It's like rocking the boat
as you stroke it for me
your azz intensifies
as my fingers go deep... deep
but there ain't no time to sleep

Let me and you become wet
drowning in the scent of you
from balls to crawls
of my fingertips across your nips

Your like the coast
and all I want to do is reach shore
and explore for treasure
and ecstasy beyond measure

You got my dick on float
touching the sky
as if it was reaching cloud 9
or is that my size?

You got me ready
man on board holding steady
pulsating hurricane waves
not even the lifeguard can save

Let me swim in it
navigate and submerge in it
turn you around and repeat it
stroke it back and forth until you scream for it

And when you blow your hole
and let your water fall
think of me and remember
who made your man go overboard

[2D]

Go Idol Go!

2006-02-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Like everyone else I have been watching American Idol, and been trying to pick my favorites. It's a hard decision because we really haven't seen what everyone can do... but I decided to pick my top three boys and top three girls [and others] that I will be rooting for:

THE GUYS

Ace Young: He has a very nice tone to his voice, and he seems serious, musical wise. He's a looker as well.

David Radford: I'm not big on crooners, but he has to have something else to him! It's in the smile!

Kevin Covais: The underdog with the big voice, that loves Hip Hop and Kanye West! Yeah!

THE GALS

Mandisa: Frenchie Part 2? She's a big momma with a big voice, and big heart... and she loves the Lord!

Lisa Tucker: The cutiest girl with a beautiful voice... Don't she remind you of Aaliyah?

Kathrine Mcphee: Yeah she's a goof ball, but she can blow! I love her personality!

Who will I love watching?

Brenna Gethers: One Word, DIVA!!!!

Who will I love 2 hate?

Gedeon Mckinney: He is so damn cocky, I can't take it!

WTF?

The White Ray Charles?

Please Note: I'm not going to make my official picks of who will be the American Idol UNTIL I HEAR THEM SING! WE shall see!

DON'T FORGET TO READ THE POST BELOW!

Do Your Parents Know?

2006-02-17T09:30:00.000-08:00

So I'm in the car with my mom, and we are going to Popeyes. I'm on the phone with Trent Jackson, and my mom asks me who is he. I told him a friend from California.

Mom: "How do you know someone from California?"

Me: He's a blooger.

Mom: What the hell is a blogger?

Then I realized... my mom doesn't even know half the things that go on in my life! How do I explain to her what a blogger is? I don't want to tell her its like an online journal, then she'll go into the whole speech about how dangereous it is to put personal information online. Blah Blah Blah, I know.

Me: Its a community of people that wish to share there views online via there personal website.

Mom: [strange look]

Me: It's a very intellectual medium, except for Trent's Blog!

Mom: [stranger look]

Me: Actually, Trent has a book out.

Mom: Ooooooooooo that's nice! So can I buy it in stores?

Now I'm thinking to myself? Do you have to be validated by having a book now a days? Damn! I tell my mom I'm a blogger, and she looks at me strange, I tell her Trent is a blogger and has a book and she is ready to go on his Book Tour. [If only she knew!]

So my question is...

Do your parents know you blog? If so, what do they think?

[mom if you ever read my blog, i love you!]

Best Weekend!

2006-02-12T19:56:00.000-08:00

Just want to say THANK YOU to everyone who left a comment on my last post! Wow, 30 comments and over 1000 views!? That's what's up! I have been going through it for the last couple of weeks, just trying to get over this situation. Sometimes I feel guilty for liking another guy, but this other guy really makes me happy... and I have to move on with my life. I just hope that my ex is ok. So with that, let me tell you about my weekend.

Friday
I went to work late because my boss said I could come in later and get some rest since I stayed the night before. I was so excited about that. So I get to work, and everything was pretty simple. I'm working on a menu for a new restaurant, an invitation for an event in New York, and a cover for an Ad Journal. So at the end of the day, and I got my check and also my bonus check, so I was excited about that! More Money, More Money, More Money!

I headed to the Train Station to Meet My Omar, so that we can go to New York to do some shopping. I always enjoy Omar's company, we can go from a deep conversation to just being silly. We went to H&M because my friend "Key" gave me a gift card for Christmas, and I wanted to get an outfit for Tuesday. So we go in, and I love this store, but there wasn't much that was catching my attention. Then I saw these NICE jeans in the corner, I tried them on, and they was too big! So we went to another H&M which is right down the street to see if they had my size. I found them, tried them on for Omar, he said... "Those are Hot, You Look Bowlegged in them!"

So yeah, I got them. We then went down to Times Square to go to the Comic Book Store. On our way there, the new guy I'm talking to called me. He just got out of class, and said he was going to meet me in NYC to chill. I was shocked because he never comes to NYC, so I was happy he was on his way. The comic book store was closed, so we went to Toys R Us to see if they had any new Marvel Legends. To my surprise, they had them!

Bishop...

& X-23!

I was on Cloud Nine after that, you couldn't tell me nothing! Once we left the store, we met up with my dude and tried to find something to eat. Sorry Omar, but we just ended up at Wendy's, even though I knew he didn't want to go. After we ate, we headed to the train station, and found another Comic Book Store! Ohh yes! I got all the comics I missed out on... can this day get any better?

We got to Jersey City, to get in the car. We dropped Omar off, and headed to my house.

We slept. :)

Saturday

We got up early to head to the bank so I could could get some money out. My computer is running sooooo slow right now, so I'm going to use my tax money to upgrade my system. Since my dude works at COMPUSA part time, I got to take advantage of his employee discount. I was able to get an external hardrive, some memory, an antivirus program, a USB port Hub, some blank cds, and a DVD cleaner for LESS THAN 300 bucks!

Thanks again! :)

So then we had to pick up an entertainment center for him and his dad's new apartment. So we headed to Walmart. Question? Do you guys flirt in public? I think that is such a turn on! So we get the entertainment center and headed to his apartment. I was shocked because there were some issues previously about me going to his place in relation to his Dad & Brother. Long story! I actually mentioned in an earlier post. I told him, you can't live for other people, but I surely didn't want his brother beating the hell out of me! To make a long story short, all of us ended up putting the entertainment center till 2 in the morning, and I'm still alive, lol. We had fun. The snow was really coming down, and there was no way he was taking me back to Newark that night. We sat up watching a movie, eating icecream with sprinkles, and then we slept. :)

Sunday

[I almost forgot, yesterday we went to Woodbridge Mall, and I got a New Beast and New Magneto! Four New Figures in one weekend is a record!]

We slept in since he didn't have to go to Church that morning. I called Omar to wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY! He's Legal now! My dude made us Hamburgers and French Fries, and we got the "Ites", and took a longgggg nap. We got up, picked up his Dad, and we all ate some food, and he took me home. Now mind you, I forgot my phone at home all weekend, so I got some serious cursing out from two of my friends. "Key" who thinks I'm ignoring him, which wasn't the case, and my God Brother Malik, who's birthday was also today! HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEAKY! Not my fault, just got snowed in.

So overall, I had the best weekend!

How was yours?

SO SICK OF LOVE SONGS...

2006-02-06T17:01:00.000-08:00

Get this video and more at MySpace.com

"So Sick" by Ne-Yo
[performed by shawnqt]

ME: BEING A MAN ABOUT IT

2006-02-02T19:45:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry I haven't been posting lately... a brotha is going through it. There are just unfinished resolutions in my life that I honestly don't know how to handle. I wasn't even going to blog about this, but its hard to blog about how everythings is going fine in your life is, when on the real, it isn't. I am still dealing with my recent break-up with my ex. Yes the same guy that I have been with for the past 2 years. The same guy that broke up with me. The same guy I got back with on my birthday last year. The same guy that didn't get me a present for our anniversary. The same guy that broke up with me again. And yes, the same guy I have been secretly trying to get back with.

For the past couple of months, we have been trying to work it out. He said he has changed, and honestly I have been seeing changes in him. He has been a lot more attentive to me. He has been a lot more romantic. He even was the one to took me to see the Color Purple Musical. He has tried everything in his power to bring us back together. He wanted us to be together... forever.

Forever.

I love him so much. I was his first boyfriend. I was his first... sexually. He was mine as well. I put so much into the relationship, so much energy, so much love, and each time he broke up with me, or he felt he needed a break, it was something that I couldn't change about myself. And what did I do? Accept it and Deal with it. So after the whole LOVE STORY, he comes back to me because a guy he was dating, really hurt him. I consoled him, and we started getting intimate again. I really did miss him.

But was I ready to get back with him? I was already used to being single, and was seeing people, but like I said, I did miss him. I was very hesitent. Would he break my heart again? Would he get over his urge to date other men, I mean I was the only boyfriend he has ever had. So I stopped dating guys, and tried to make it work.

The idea of being with him, one last time, forever... I guess it effected me. The idea of being with him, one last time to break my heart, forever... I guess that effected me too. But could our love carry us through it. So like he says, how can I go from Loving him so hard, to breaking up with him in 2 weeks.

I met a guy.

We met as friends, and he is a really cool guy. He was interested in me, and I do admit, I was interested in him. How could I so easily be attracted to this guy if I have someone I love on the other side? The question has been driving me crazy for the past couple of weeks. Then the idea of being with my ex, one last time, forever or him breaking my heart, effected me more. My attraction for this new guy, and my love for him really got me going crazy...

I can't say that I don't love him, he has been with me for 2 years, and I have been letting him know how much I did... but I never told him about my doubts... maybe I should have, because when I told him a week ago that I couldn't be with him, and that I was seeing someone else, it wouldn't have broken his heart. It still hurts me that I could do this to him.

We have tried talking on the phone, and I tried explaining it to him. He wasn't listening. He has even blogged it about it on his blog... so I thought that maybe, if he reads this, it might help him understand.

I'm sorry. I love you. But right now, I can't be with you. I don't know what the future holds, but right now, I can't say that we will be together in the future. I hope you can understand this. I should have told you about my doubts, and I fucked up on my part. I'm not here to try and make it seem like I'm an Angel, because I'm not, but I'm just being a man about it. I'm being honest with you, and I always was with you. Your important in my life, we have so many shared experiences, and there isn't a day I don't think about you... but my heart can't give anymore. I don't like to bring up the past, but all the times you said you needed a break, or you needed time for you, I NEED THAT FOR ME. With this new guy, or not. My decisoin to end it with you, was not soley on me trying to get with someone else. It just made me realize and think about things that was going on with my feelings.

It is possible to love someone, and not feel like you can be in a relationship with them. The thing that hurts me the most is, I feel like I lost my bestfriend. Yet, this is my time to deal with me, and deal with my own happiness, and maybe my own faults. I couldn't be with you forever, knowing that I still wanted to have attractions for other people, and I couldn't be with you not knowing you got all the experiences you needed to experience. I never meant to break your heart, but always know there is an energy in the universe, where we exist. Even though you may hate me, may feel hurt in my presense, know that our love could never die, because I know GOD will protect that energy.

Pray.

I love you, and I'm sorry.

IS LEFT RIGHT?

2006-01-28T22:46:00.000-08:00

Shout out to Unconquerable Soul for a wonderful EVENT! You did Great!

Today has been a really long day. It's just too much going on, and on, and on...

But what can you do? I KNOW! Start reading THIS BOOK WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE! I started on Day 242: Use your Left Hand all today. [i like to skip around] Yes a brotha was left handed, and it wasn't cool. Challenging is a better word. I cooked breakfast this morning, and it is really hard to crack an egg properly with your left hand. Then trying to flip the eggs in the pan, I really don't think my left arm is strong enough, lol. I think the most interesting part was using the mouse on the left hand side. Go ahead, try it? Weird huh? I actually found out that my friend Omar is left handed, who knew! He thinks he is a big shot because he can do shit with his right and left hand... show off! It wasn't that bad I guess...

Is Left Right?

When one chooses a life so left field can it be acceptable?

Can one be Gay and it be ok?

Its hard when one of your friends is a church boy, and even though he told his family about his sexuality, they still try and "convert" him to be straight "in the name of jesus", of course! And why not when your big brother is a minister, and plays the "protective" role by threatning to beat up any nigga you bring to the house, and pray for you "in the name of jesus", of course! So why not become straight, date women, so your family will be ok with you, even though you deny everything that you are, its "in the name of jesus", of course!

I don't know about you, but Jesus name stands for:

Acceptence

Mercy

Forgiveness

& Love.

It is hard accepting your sexuality with your spirituality, and many believe the two don't belong in the same sentence... but I think they can go hand and hand.

I believe that sexuality is the physical manifestation of your thoughts and emotions. It is what drives us on the most basic of human nature to the highest of spiritual nirvana.

Of course sex is the driving force of procreation for all of humanity. Heck, all of life!

Outside of that, our thoughts and emotions about our sexuality [be it male, female, homosexual, or heterosexual] physically manifests into how we talk, how we dress, how we interact with others, and how we connect physically with each other. These variables are random, and biologically and socially affect all of us. So you can have a straight woman, who loves playing hard tackle football, or a Gay Man who just loves to dress up as a woman. Life is Random, Life Happens, and who's to say that none of this is suppose to exist, when it exist! It's Natural [part of Nature], yet not Normal?

Normal to who? Normal always changes. What is normal today, will not be normal tomorrow.

To some, being left-Handed is not normal, but its natural (part of nature) for someone to be left-handed. Today I was left-handed, and you know what, it was a challenge, and it was hard, but I'm still alive! I still got it together! What's wrong with that? Accept it! Accept Me!

I wonder if Jesus was left handed?

[wow, I love this book!]

THIS BOOK WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE

2006-01-26T23:30:00.000-08:00

Part instruction manual, part therapy, part religious cult, part sheer anarchy, This Book Will Change Your Life will help you poke a stick in the spokes of your routine. It contains 365 daily orders, each one of which could turn your humdrum existence into a daily free-fall. On day 295, propose to a complete stranger. On day 181, get your street renamed after you. On day 16, discreetly give the finger to everyone you meet. Other days encourage self-crucifixion, currency manipulation, and writing to dictators. Unusual and hilarious. The perfect gift for the guy or girl who has everything!

...and now, I OWN IT! It was a gift I gave to a love of mine, and I was so fascinated by it, I finally got my own copy. I'm going to use my blog to document these crazy antics, So EVERYONE be ready! I love the Graphic Design in the book, its a must have for anyone trying to get out of there shell. Since I was in the Book store, I picked up my first Gay Novel...

...although the cover is totally different now. I read the first few pages, and really took me back to the times when I used to hang out in the Village in NYC. I'm glad the story is set in New York so that I can relate to it more. I also picked up the last issue of...

I have been running around NYC trying to find this DAMN magazine, and didn't think to go to the Village to pick it up until today. Duh! It is very interesting, I wouldn't mind doing Graphic Design for them. Maurice (cover model) is a sexy kat, he represented Jersey well! I have to go back and read the articles now, lol.

Speaking of eye candy...

Isn't Rockmond FINE AS HELL! DAMN!

[tomorrow is the friday, some how, some way, im going out!]

P.S. NoforReal, I'M GOING TO THE RETREAT IN MARCH! Thanks Man!

THE LEGEND OF O...

2006-01-26T23:15:00.000-08:00

MY OMAR HAS A BLOG!
MY FRIENDS ARE THE SHIT!
CHECK HIM OUT,
AND SHOW SOME LOVE!

[CLICK HERE]

MEMORIES

2006-01-24T09:39:00.000-08:00

I never meant to break your heart...

I'm sorry it ended this way, I will miss you, and I will always love you.

[thisismelettingo]

How Cold is Hell?

2006-01-16T20:39:00.000-08:00

...NEED SOMEONE TO WARM YOU UP?

[edit]

Ok, so I decided instead of just doing another blog entry, I would just edit this one since I really didn't say anything. Just want to thank everyone for the love & compliments. A Man always loves compliments, no matter how modest he is. Honestly, it feels good to take these photographs, because back in the day... MAN! I was Steve Urkeled Down! I has a major nerd, and I honestly wasn't trying to be, but when your shy, don't have the best clothes, short, skinny, and have glasses bigger then your face... it happens. I'm over that insecurity now. It took a long time though. I'm really starting to come out of my shell, and I'm excited about it! I always tell my friends I'm a "Sexy Beast!"

So I had an American Idol Party Last Night, it was a lot of fun. Had 4 of my friends come over, we ate Dominoes Pizza, and bugged out laughing all night! Hopefully we can do that every Tuesday Night. What I want to know is why did Simon tell that man he should be a female impersonater? Funny, but so wrong! Now that is embarrassing! Why do I get a feeling that twins might be big this year? The First set of Black twins (you know the gay ones) they was good, but the second set of Black twins (you know the gay ones) they was cute! I sooooo want a Black Sexy Man to win this year (or two) ! This has to be the year for the Blacks (maybe even a Latino).

I wish I could go to Derrick L. Briggs Book Club, buuuuttt, my company party is on the same day. It's ok, I'll just go to the next one. I just wanted to get some things off my chest, lol. My Mental is going through it, but I'm praying for strength and clarity, and hopefully everything will turn out ok. It's hard to make changes as an adult, even though you gain a lot, there are some things you have to leave behind, even if you love those things.

Why is there so much drama going on with the blogs these days? It's actually funny to me. I guess a lot of people are saying things without thinking how it will effect others, and a lot of people are taking things a little too much to the heart. Hey, what can you do? I haven't been to the club in a minute? I might have to handle that. lol. I also have to pick up my first gay novel this weekend, and this other book, which I'm going to do a blog about in a couple of days. I'm telling you this book is going to take me to another level, or what Derrick would say, another Dimension!

I was tagged by ProfessorGQ a couple of months back, and never responded (My bad!) so I thought I would just take the time to answer him back!

5 Facts About Me

1. I'm addicted to French Fries! I think I have eaten French Fries at least everyday of my life. McDonalds, Burger King, Wendys, Popeyes, KFC's Wedges, hey... even White Castle's fries. I have cut back a lot now, and will try and eat them twice a week, but its soooooo hard!

2. I danced for the best selling female group of all time, TLC. In a manner of speaking, lol.

3. I have had my artwork showcased in local art galleries in high school.

4. I have owned 22 dogs throughout my lifetime. Damn house was a kennel!

5. I love phone sex with a passion. It's a mind thing to me.

I'm FRUSTRATED...

2006-01-12T18:08:00.000-08:00

...my house is so unorganized. i don't want to be a slob. I need to vacuum the rug. put up my clothes. make my bed. fix the toys on my shelf. put this freaking cream on my face. my kitchen smells like bananas. i dont have no airspray. i have to wash dishes. i hate washing dishes. i'm tired of eating chicken. i have to work out tonight. I should be watching cable, i mean i do pay for it. i have to fix my game table. i left my cell phone at home today. so i have to make all these phone calls. I DONT HAVE A HAIRCUT! i wanted to blog about something cool. but im lazy as hell. i want to write a book. but I don't know where to start. i want people to come over and chill tomorrow. i want to go out and chill. i dont know if i want to go to nyc. should i stay in jersey? i want to go to this event called "work" on sunday, but i have to "work" in the morning. do i really want to go to nyc this weekend? i have to wash so many clothes. im sitting here eating popcorn like a fat bastard. im suppose to be eating healthy. i hate eating healthy. but, i want a banging body. everyone online thinks im crazy and having a breakdown. im just frustrated because im still sitting here, and being so damn lazy. why can i just get up and get it done? huh? tell me? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME, LOL! ok, just relax. its all good. im just going to write this, and just let everything out.

breath in.

breathe out.

breath in.

breath... why the hell am I typing this!

where is my fruit punch?!!!!!!!! fruit punch makes me happy. minute maid fruit punch, oooohhh yes! i hate when popcorn gets in your teeth. my tongue can never really get it out the way i want to. now i have to brush my teeth. sigh. im horny. its almost time for me to go to bed. well not really. but time is wasting. why am i still here, when i got so much to do. why am I procrastinating?

WHYYYYY!

sigh.

TOMMORROW PEOPLE

2006-01-07T21:58:00.000-08:00

[COMIC-TARY BY SHAWNQT]

Could you be born with it,
or acquire it in your teens?
An ongoing struggle, to know what it means.

We have the power,
the thoughts in our minds,
yet considered a crime, to unleash the tide.

What are we destined to be?

Freaks of nature, wanting Flee?
Or a New evolution to reign supreme?

We are forced to lie to hide our lives,
accept the whispers, and stares from the eyes... and we cry...

When are parents don't understand,
It wasn't part of the master plan.

Day by Day, we learn to control,
The X Factor engulfed in our souls!

[see the power in YOU!]

HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH YOUR HOMOSEXUALITY?
MY ANSWER IS IN THE COMMENTS SECTION.

LRG, Sexy Books, & Puppies

2006-01-03T17:38:00.000-08:00

So Christmas and New Years was good. I spent Christmas with Secret, which was Amazing and New Year's I just spent it alone. I was cool with it, gave me some time to just enjoy the apartment and relax.

Yesterday, I went shopping, and I came across this clothing line called LRG. The clothes are really cool, and very similar to my own style. I love the natural, yet vibrant colors, and the design is so fly. I would look sexy as hell rocking this! I'm not one into designers, I just buy what I'm feeling, but these clothes are really nice!

So I bought a hat, you know, start off small. Hopefully I will be able to buy some more stuff. [birthday 3.27.06] So I went home, and researched them online. Seems that Kanye West also wears the clothes... AND is a model for the line as well. Ya know I love me some Kanye! Sexy, Creative, & Intelligent: Gets me every time! This was just an added bonus. I have to get me some now![3.27.06] Crazy what influence celebrities have on you.

THESE ARE SOME OF MY FAVORITE LRG ADS.

LOVE THE GRAPHIC DESIGN!

So listen to this. Let's say you have a friend, and both of you have the same style. Both of you are out shopping and pick up the same fly azz outfit. Do you:

A) Put it Back, and let your friend get it.

B) You pick it up, and convince your friend to get something else.

C) Both of you guys get the outfit.

So the fine and intelligent Derrick L Briggs is doing this "Books Are Sexy Campaign" for 2006, and is looking for a New Model.

What's interesting about this opportunity is that I decided that, this year, I was going to let go some of my inhibitions [I hold back out of fear sometimes], and also to read at least 3 books. So when I read this on Derrick's blog, I felt this would be perfect for me!

I honestly never read any Black Gay literature, and was thinking about doing it this year. Do anyone know of any good ones to start with?

Most of the books I read now about about GOD and religion, and while I enjoy it, I want to learn about other people's experiences in the Black Gay Lifestyle. I could be a "Books Are Sexy" Model Right?

TO VOTE FOR ME CLICK HERE!

Look at my Puppy! Well he's not really my puppy, he's my sister's, but I get to babysit Lil Kanye when ever I have to babysit my sister. He's 5 weeks old, and he's a mixture of a Chiwawa and a Terrier. Hey, don't ask, he's Gangsta! My Mom got him for my sister. My sister is 13 years old, and she is mentally delayed, and she doesn't know how to talk. They feel by getting my sister a dog, she will be able to verbalize more.

My sister has been like this all our lives, so we are used to it. If anyone meets my sister, she is the most loving and smiling girl you will never meet! She's my Angel, always shows the whole family love. You should see Kanye and my sister playing, its so cool. But one day, I'm going to sneak Kanye away from them, and treat him to a cute afternoon in NYC!

[I see you guys liked "Walking Away"]

[I might do another one]

[might]

[:)]

WALKING AWAY!

2005-12-31T22:44:00.000-08:00

Time to walk away from the Negativity of 2005, and Celebrate 2006! Happy New Year!

"Walking Away" by Craig David
Performed by ShawnQt

THIS BLOG IS SOMETHING ELSE!

2005-12-24T11:10:00.000-08:00

Has there ever been a time when you felt uneasy, unbalanced, sad, depressed, disappointed, unfitting, or incomplete?

3 Years ago, on Christmas Eve, I felt the same way. I was on AOL Instant Messenger, talking to a friend of mine and my boyfriend at the same time. So I typed something to my friend about my lover, and I ended up sending it to boyfriend! Let's just say the comment could sound very hurtful taken out of context. He was very upset. I felt so bad. How could I hurt the one I love? I was so disappointed in myself. I called him to try and explain, and he wasn't hearing it. So I just hung up the phone, got my coat, and started walking outside. All around me was shivering winds & blistering snow. How fitting, because my heart and mind felt the same way. When I came back, I wrote this poem. It's called...

Shivering

Leaving on the Eve
When the lord is born
The snow is cold outside.
A draft creeps into my heart.

I'm like a shivering Shiva
With an orange moon on my head,
For love is on my mind
As I walk these streets alone.

Light after light
I connect the missing lines,
Unguided and nowhere to turn.
Thoughts of a savior come to mind
But he isn't born till tomorrow.

Northern stars and Supernovas
I search for in the brisk sky,
If only there was a full moon
He would be here by my side.

It's a damn cold night,
Nothing is going right,
And everything is a mess,
Yet I am fully dressed,
In language that is
Unevolving and insecure.

As I walk back home,
I see two sets of footsteps
In the snow below.
They are mine,
I have walked this path before.
I guess I am not alone
after all.

As I read this poem, on the same day 3 years ago, I look back at where I have been, and where I am going with my life. I have evolved into a better version of myself, and this poem is a testimony of that. I realized that No matter what I have been through, I have walked this path before. Either physically, spiritually, or historically. We all have all walked through the "shadows of death" and times when we wern't complete, and made it through. In times of despair, we feel as if GOD isn't present. But reading this poem now, I believed that night, GOD was with me, even when I didn't believe GOD was. Now, here I am as a testimony how GOD moves you through anything and uplifts you to be a better person.

I am no longer shivering out of fear,

but releasing the warmth and spirit of GOD!

This is what I feel, Christmas is all about. A Celebration of GOD, Family, & Gratitude. GOD gave us the gift of GOD's kin, who in return gave us the gift of life. Jesus gave us the ability to think outside or own limited thinking, and the understanding to love one another. Jesus allowed us to believe in ourselves, and our own power, so that we can be our own salvation. And last, but not least...To Honor God. So I thank GOD, for my life, my family & friends, even my blog. My Blog is Something Else. Reading the comments from my last post, made me realize that I'm blogging for a reason. I'm blogging for "meaning", and through GOD, and this blog, I know I will find it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

THIS BLOG AIN'T SHIT!

2005-12-21T17:35:00.000-08:00

...So I finally came to the conclusion that my blog ain't shit. I mean, I don't talk about the things that are plaguing the black gay community. I don't interview bloggers and dish out dirt. I don't have a PHD, and talk about various books that are out. I don't post funny photos of celebrities. I don't even post Parties and Events that are HOT in NYC! At least those are the things that gets people attention right? What do I do, talk about my azz? What's the point of blogging?

...So Then I realized, I'm still going to blog. fuck it.

...So I finally found a Christmas Tree, after looking a week for an affordable one. It's small, but it's cute. First Christmas in a new place is different, but the family is going to open up gifts here, so I am excited about that. Seems that me getting an IPOD is not going to happen, but hopefully I can get the sexy underwear I wanted. I want something that shows the bulkiness of my dick and my azz, and a color that compliments my skin tone. [i love the word bulkiness] I don't mind a thong or bikini briefs, maybe something see-thru, As long as its hot! Probably walk around the house with a Santa Hat, my new underwear, and a pair of Timbs! I love Christmas!

...So I finally got a few design projects working out, that may bring me some extra cash. I been working with Larry D. Lyons with the Rashawn Brazell project. He came over, and just worked together. It's always good having him come through, because he's so funny, and our personalities bounce off each other. Shout to to Larry D. I'll be sending the final revisions to you later on tonight. I'm also excited about working with Unconquerable Soul on this new venture! Doing a invitation and some promotional pieces for his political agenda. Feels good to help out someone that is passionate about what they do. And yes Trent, I got you! Don't think I forgot about you too, Valentino.

...So I finally saw the video for "Check On It", and Beyonce is HOT IN PINK! Nuff said!

[this blog ain't shit.

why you still reading?]

Obsession

2005-12-15T21:13:00.000-08:00

originally written March 7th, 2002

Yo, this brotha look mad good,
I think I got this life misunderstood.
How can you say this feeling is wrong,
Cause I've been eyeballing this dude all day long.
Damn, look as his lips,
SHIT, a brotha has to get some of this!

The teacher is going on and on,
Just making a brotha yawn,
If she don't shut her ass up.
I am just trying to see What's up,
with this brotha across the room,
so let me resume...

Back to his eyes,
Light brown, and turn green in July.
His complexion is pure perfection,
just one touch would give me an erection,
My ish is already on the climb,
I had to shift it like three or four times.

But I don't give a f*ck,
with any luck I be sucking his dick,
in the back of his truck!
Yo, what is the deal with me,
sounding like a Lil Kim CD.
And you know that ain't me, please,
cause I hardly even get on my knees.

Ok, maybe it was once or twice,
only because he sucked my shit all night.
And maybe this nig could be the next,
for sex, if he really is a suspect.

To holla, or not to holla,
that is the question?
My soul says, tell him your confession.
So I have to use my discretion, to give the right impression,
to fully experience this sexual obsession.

Color Me Purple

2005-12-12T16:23:00.000-08:00

Weekends come and go, but it is always that one weekend that really makes you appreciate what life is all about.

Saturday

I spent the day with my good friend of mine named "O". O has become a really close friend of mine over the past couple of months. He is very understanding, giving, intelligent, and very funny. We mesh well together, and I honor my friendship with him. The brotha can sing like no other, and plans to go into Music Education. So O and myself decided to go to NYC to do some Christmas Shopping. I wanted to get into the Christmas Spirit, so I started to sing Christmas songs on the PATH train. I was really bad because I kept forgetting the words. Everyone kept looking like us like we was crazy, but hey, they will never see us ever again.

So then we went to Manhattan Mall, grubbing down on Mickie D's Fries most of the time, and went to a few stores there. Then we went to H&M, Kay B Toy Store, Old Navy, Toys R Us, and the Virgin Mega Store. I got half of my shopping done, but NO WHERE NEAR DONE!

Then we headed to Derrick L. Briggs "Stories" Event, to be a part of one of the BEST events I have been to all year! It was amazing, the experience of being around so many intelligent black gay brothas, all sharing a piece of who they are, there are just no words. If you missed the event, you have to go to the next one, because you will be, "fulfilled". Derrick introduced a character called D'MARCUS BLACK, and not only is he piece of Derrick himself, he's a piece of all our experiences. You have to hear his story. What I was really excited about was to meet some many bloggers that I admire, and now would like to get to know. Stone, P. Alonzo, Jason Cooper, Prodigal Sun, Bobby Brown Jr., Rodney, were all in attendance. Shout out to Big Q for winning Best Story! Sorry I missed it, I PROMISE next time, I won't be late.

The story I read was actually a previous blog entry that was re-written to be more compelling . Will I Ever Let Go?, was the best introduction, and while I was re-writing it, I received my answer from GOD.

"Sometimes its good to let go, any other times its good to let God In."

It was great to experience this event. This is our story. This is where I feel the quote from The Color Purple comes in. We all want to be noticed, heard, acknowledged, because we all are beautiful men and women, of God. I'm just glad that Derrick created such a space within the universe... So Color Me Purple, You'll be hearing more of me! After the event, O, Paul, and Myself went out to eat at a diner, and I ended up going to Brooklyn to see Narnia the Movie later on that evening. Great Movie!

Sunday

The next day, I spent time with an amazing man, who is such an amazing man, that he surprised me with the most amazing gift of taking me to a Broadway show. You guessed it? "The Color Purple: The Musical"

The Color Purple has always been my favorite movie of all time. I read the book in High School, and fell in love with it again. Now that I have seen the Musical, I have a even deeper appreciation for it. I don't want to go into full detail since I want ALL OF YOU TO GO SEE IT! I just want to say that, the stage background was simple and amazing, the acting and singing was on point, and it was very true to the story, with added additions, to keep huge fans like me interested. None of the songs from the Motion picture were featured, but I now have new songs to add to the playlist. The characters were very vibrant, and you could feel the sadness and determination within them. The trade mark, Hell NO!, so famously said by Sophia, were sold as T-shirts in the Hallway. I was just so excited to be there!

Nettie, Celie's Sister, is the only person she trusts and loves. Nettie's Love is what keep Celie pushing on. There is bond, so strong it can be felt over of years of them being a part. Ma-Ki-Da-Da!

What was interesting to me was the love affair of (Celie & Shug) isn't played down in the show but played up, even having both of them sing a ballad to each other. It is always good to see a loving portrayal of homosexuality, because it wasn't about sex with these two, it was the bond and the connection that they shared. Shug made Celie feel confident and beautiful.

How do you Color yourself Purple?

[to mr. amazing. thanks.]

Seven Whole Thoughts

2005-12-06T00:33:00.000-08:00

me in sims 2... think... focus... release...

I'm like so sick right now, its crazy. I have been sick for like a week now. It feels like little germs are throwing wet snowballs in my nose. That wasn't a pretty visual, but me being sick isn't pretty either. I need soup, SOUP!

2.
So my cousin has LEAD right... and I see my Uncle moving out next door. Why didn't anyone tell me they was moving? Lil Ty is 3, and I think he's been putting lead in his mouth, so by law, they have to move out. He'll be alright though, he shouldn't be cursing anyway. Later Guys, see you at Christmas!

I NEED A STORY for Derrick L. Briggs Book Club! I have plenty of poems, but I haven't really written a lot of stories except for my blog. I think I am going to start writing more stories though, its very interesting to see people's reactions to them. I love this story that Jamal Franklin wrote, had me going for a second.

I have been downloading music like crazy for the past week, thinking that since I have Highspeed connection, these big music files won't take up space on my hard drive. Yeah right, I'm buying some blank cds this weekend. I love all of Toni Braxton's old songs... they seem so... epic. "Seven Whole Days" is just so amazing... the background vocals are hot, and it seemed like Toni's voice was stronger back in the day. I Love Her.

Did anyone see the trailer for X-Men 3? I love Beast! And did you see Storm FLY, WHAT! And don't forget the coming of Dark Phoenix... too much, I can't wait. I need to buy the Fantastic Four DVD this weekend. I also want to go see Narnia the movie as well. I still haven't seen RENT or IN THE MIX with Usher, SO I have some catching up to do.

I'm not going to Masturbate for a week. I think I'm an addicted to it. My friend O gave me some straight porn, and actually, it has been a lot more interesting then the lame gay ones I have. They are so loud, lol, I love it. The guys are a lot more sexier and well endowed as well. BUT, no masturbating for a week. Need to focus my energy for Sunday. Wouldn't you like to know what is going on Sunday. Let's just say I have a secret love affair. (wink)

Is it tacky to give a gay man a gay gift for Christmas? lol.

I love blogging...
[CLICK HERE FOR MY INTERVIEW WITH TRENT JACKSON]

Sexy Brothas Heating Up the House!

2005-12-03T22:12:00.000-08:00

[applause]

Welcome Ladies and Gents to my very first Housewarming Party! [can you have more then one?] Yes there was food... and drinks... games and prizes! Not to forget, my wonderful, intelligent, and of course sexy friends, who by the way are all single [they paid me to say that] who were all in attendance. Here are the photos of the event, Enjoy!

watching tv... thinking? where is the food. It's coming, damn!

playing Scattergories, you see how he looking at my answers!

sexy & smart, personally, I think he has all his answers saved on his phone!

these fine brothas can sing there azz off... they swear they on the red carpet!

look at him, he so sexy... wait a minute... what is going on back there?

hold up...is that adam4adam? let me find out!

you didn't want to take a picture, but you sure is smiling!

see it is not even that serious. cute brothas always trying to be shy!

see you know what, no more alcohol for you!

Excursion De La Maison: Office & Dining

2005-12-02T16:52:00.000-08:00

THE OFFICE: CENTRAL COMMAND CENTER.
Theme: Fun & Mythological!
Colors: Green, Brown & Orange.

This is where I spend most of my time. Sitting here right now actually, lol. This room is not fully complete, but the concept of the room it a place to display my HUGE Action Figure Collection. Now I want to set them up more like artwork, then just figures all over the place. The two main collections I have is the Marvel Legends X-Men and new figures from the Masters of the Universe. He-Man is my Hero! I grew up on him. I had all the figures when I was little, until my Grandmother threw them all away. I was so mad.... I vowed (at the age of 10) I would get them all back! LOL. Who knew the old figures cost so much money! When the new figures came out a few years back, I GOT EVER SINGLE LAST ONE OF THEM! To me, they are a preservation of my childhood and imagination. When I was upset, I was sit and play with these figures, and be taken away... so looking at them now, I guess they give me comfort.

On the side of my desk is my graphic design portfolio. On my desk is my signed copy of TLC's 3D sampler. I won it during a dancing contest. Did I mention that to you guys? Yes that is Raz-B on the screen, I love them sexy brothas!

On top of the computer desk are my X-Men figures. The X-Men are the shit! When I was in high school, I had to deal with my sexuality, and I think I gravitated to the X-Men because they were mutants and humans hated them, much like what is going on with Homosexuals now. I have powers too! [wink] I have a lot of favorites though. Storm is a strong black woman, and I love how she is portrayed in the comics. I think she is the strongest and most respected Black super hero thus far. I love Rogue because I feel like her at times, dealing with so many people in my head. Colossus is the man, did you know he just came out in the Ultimate X-Men comic? Yeah, my brotha is gay now! He sexy too. I love Nightcrawler, because even though people see him as a demon, he is still walks with GOD. He is very spiritual, and I love that about him. Wolverine is over-rated, but you can't hate him. I love the Angel figure, only because I wish I had wings. Hey, I love all of them!

Hey Stewie! That's my Lil Mascot. I love Family Guy. He's guarding the games for me. That's right Stewie, be that bottom bitch for me... you like that... huh lil man... then come over to big daddie and let him give u a spanking... oh you like that spanking... huh bitch... [slaps self] My bad, yeah that's my lil Stewie. Doing a good job Stewie!

THE DINING AREA: JUST SIT DOWN, DAMN!
Theme: I don't know, I didn't get to that part yet.
Colors: Black, with any color I want to put on it. Leave me alone!

Ok, so I don't know what to do with the table, all I know is that I can sit down and eat while watching tv. Nuff said, lol.

I am very fond of the concept for the center piece. Its two roses in a glass vase, filled with sand, from California actually, and rocks. It represents the concept of the "rose growing out of concrete." I live in the ghetto, but I am not a product of my environment. I blossomed, and will always blossom... and hopefully I can find another rose that has done the same thing.

Yeah that is Tic-Tac-Toe... It just looks cool, lol. I know I'm going to change it like a million times. But hey, at least I can eat and watch tv at the same time. [the tv is on the other side in the living room]. I'm going to put some shelves and picture frames in that corner, just need a concept.

[coming soon photos of my living room, bedroom,
and the house warming party]

Excursion De La Maison: Kitchen & Bathroom

2005-11-28T17:52:00.000-08:00

Ok Everybody, the moment, I have been waiting for, ever since I started this blog... I think I'm starting to get emotional. [tissue please!] Here are some photographs of my first 2 bedroom apartment, located in the heart of the ghetto...Holla!

THE KITCHEN: The Place I don't cook in.
Theme: Kitchen for the Musical Soul.
Colors: Badge, Brown, and Black... with accents of natural colors.

I am going to learn how to cook now! Look how cool it is to be in there. About to buy some cook books and do it big. I have been watching a few shows on 30 minute cooking. If anyone has any recipes, please, post them in the comment section. Then I can let you know how It turns out. Remember that this entire house was a wreck, and had to be repainted and refloored... Shout out to Mom Mom, my grandmother, we did that floor in three days!

In the middle of the floor is my "super kitchen island." I made it using two Ikea Kitchen carts, then bolted them together. I originally was going to put a kitchen table in there, but I don't eat in the kitchen because there is no TV there, so I went with just something I can prepare food on. I am going to decorate it with black decor, much like the bowl and vase shown, both from Ikea. The barstools are from Walmart and quite comfortable. Interesting how people did a lot of socializing in the kitchen during the House Warming party.

All my appliances are going to be black [microwave, toaster, George Foremen grill, etc.]. I'm going to add some exposed black shelves to the walls, hang up pots and pans, make it easy to grab and keep it artistic. The main attraction of the kitchen will be Black and White images of all my favorite musical artist.

TLC, Brandy, Kanye West, Black Eyed Peas, Mary J. Blige, Trey Songz, Destiny's Child, 112, Bjork, B2K, Lauryn Hill, Toni Braxton, Keyshia Cole, Tweet, Michael Jackson, Usher, [give or take a few].

Then I'll put like a stereo somewhere, so I can dance while I cook. I have a picture of Left Eye that Larry D. Lyons gave me for Christmas a few years back on my fridge now. The stove will be up and running soon (might get a new one). I can't wait!

THE BATHROOM: Oh, to be Naked in Nature.
Theme: The Rainforest.
Colors: Baby Blue, Brown, Green and Badge.

The Bathroom was actually the first room to be finished in the house. I wanted to paint half the walls and ceiling baby blue to give that sky look. Then use brown and green to give it that nature feel. The shower curtain, not shown are bamboo sticks, and the painting is of a waterfall in the forest.

I added plants and rocks to accent the nature feel, especially by the toilet. Everytime I use it, I always think "Pee in the Bush, Pee in the Bush". LOL. I'm going to add a few more paintings on the wall and maybe add some type of vines around the shower to give it a more nature feel. Or maybe coming down the pole on the side of the wall, hmmmm.

I remember when I was re-doing the tiles on the floor, my grandmother keep farting up a storm! Seriously, everytime I put down a tile, she farted. "I can't help it!" she says. Stop eating those Beans MOM MOM! We had fun though. Originally she put up some curtains with some baby fish on them... They was so cute, but they didn't work at all! I love her, but they had to go. They are now green. Overall, I love my bathroom, its very peaceful, just how I wanted it.

[coming soon photos of my office, dining area,

and the house warming party]

PHOENIX RISING HOUSEWARMING!

2005-11-22T22:50:00.000-08:00

[can't beleive it's almost here.]

T H E 2 3 R D P S A L M

2005-11-20T02:10:00.000-08:00

CLICK ABOVE FOR THE EXPERIENCE

1. Many versions of the Bible translate "I shall not want" as "there is nothing I need" or "I lack nothing," which some readers feel is unrealistic. What are your feelings about this verse? Does it comfort you?

2. When have you turned to this psalm--during times of grief, relationship trouble, or financial distress? Why?

3. What places, people, or situations are "green pastures" or "restful waters" to you? When do you feel God's presence most?

4. We know many people who have struggled through "dark valleys"--times of severe grief. What have you learned from these people about God's nature?

5. In the Hebrew Bible and in Christian rites, anointing with oil is associated with receiving God's spirit. How do you understand the idea of being anointed?

6. The Hebrew word often translated "follow" is actually closer in meaning to the word "pursue": "Goodness and kindness will pursue me." Why would God pursue us? Do you feel this happening in your life?

7. Do you see "dwelling in the house of the Lord" as a heavenly or an earthly state?

My Answers are inside the Comments section,

You can answer one or all the questions if you like!

[beliefnet.com]

Take Me Away

2005-11-14T11:40:00.000-08:00

Take Me Away
by ShawnQt

Take me away,
To laying in bed by moonlight,
And sensual kisses that last all night.
To falling in your arms,
And feeling no harm.

Would you take me away?

From nightmares to dreams,
To emotions that bend reality.
Where one kiss is all I need to breathe,
And exhaling you is a high that never wants to leave.

Could you take me away?

With your smile that ignites hope,
With your eyes that explores my soul,
With your lips, it just tells me things,
With your tug-a-rope, I hold on to your string.

As you take me away…

This is you and me, who would have thought.
If this feeling is wrong, let me be caught.
In you, I would hold you so tight,
Until God made it for us to be right.

Take me away.

And let me feel wanted by you,
As if I am the only one standing in the room.
Appreciate me, like I would appreciate you,
And I would stay…

So that you can Take Me Away.

[you feeling the poem, huh?]

I was watching the Noah's Arc repeat this weekend, and like the romantic I am, I fell in love with the scene of Wade getting Noah's recently sold car back, filled with flowers & lights. To say I love you for the first time, while flowers fall from the sky, I don't know about you, but I was feeling it HARD! I miss being romantized by a prince charming.

I felt it strong once, when my "then" boyfriend had moved to Chicago for a summer program. We was only together for 3 months, and I was really sad to see him go, and to not see him for 2 months was hard. The relationship was still new, and I just wanted to be with him. So one night, I was on the phone with him, and he was telling me how much he loved me, and I told him how much I missed him, and he told me to look out towards the moon...

As I looked at the moon, and looked down, and there he was in the back of my house parking lot, on top of the car, waving to me on his cellphone! "What are you doing here!", I replied. I ran downstairs, out the door, and ran straight to his arms, kissing him all over. I was so happy to see him. It is a beautiful moment, I will always treasure.

Only wish that, one day, it will happen again. Anyone else have any romance stories?

[thanks L]

Black Eyed Peas Recruit New Member

2005-11-09T21:40:00.000-08:00

They've transcended their vigilant hip-hop roots and have become a global phenomenon, the likes of which the music world has rarely seen. Ever-curious and ever-confident, that group is The Black Eyed Peas, and after energizing crowds 'round the globe with the monster-stomp of Elephunk, it's time for the quartet, William, Fergie, apl.de.ap and Taboo to get down to business, Monkey Business, that is.

Now the group is adding one more monkey to the bunch, with new member, Shawn-Q. "We saw something extra, fresh & funky about Shawn-Q, we had no choice but to let him be down with us," says Will-i-am. Shawn-Q, 25, was born and raised in Newark, New Jersey, and a professional Artist and Designer when he first met Fergie. "He was working on decorating my house in LA, and he was so funny and interesting, we just clicked," says the also newly now turned veteran member.

"I had a 9 to 5 and everything, but I love to dance and I always wanted to perform," says Shawn-Q during an interview, "...so Ferg let me perform for the fellas, and I just killed it, you know, do what I do. So I flew out to one of there concerts, and I was so nervous, because it was going to be the first time the fans would see me. The played 'Let's get it started' and I kicked a verse real quick, and everyone loved it. It just felt good to be on stage with a group of people that have the same passion as me,"says Shawn-Q.

The group will go on tour with there new member this Fall.

[hey, I can dream, can't I?]

Trippin'

2005-11-07T21:05:00.000-08:00

I just want to thank everyone for their comments on my last post. I got a lot of feedback. After I wrote the post, I was thinking about why I wanted to drink and smoke in the first place. I feel that there is a part of my personality that I want to RELEASE. I used to be really shy when I was younger, picked on, teased for wearing glasses & being short. It affected me a lot and I held back a lot of who I am. It took years to gain my confidence back. Now I know who I am, and I'm not my past, and I can't let what other people thoughts about me confine me to holding back who I am. So I wanted some kind of outside source to let go of my inhibitions, and felt that maybe a drink or smoking weed might let that go...

I'm not going to do neither. At least not now.

I came to a realization this weekend. As I was cleaning up the house. My grandmother came down and was asking me if my mother and stepfather was coming to finish up the floor in the living room. My mom said my stepfather wasn't home from work yet, so I had to wait. Then my grandmother said that one day this week, he came to the house when I was at work and asked her to let him in so he can work on the floor. Yet, she seen come in and out, without any work getting done.

Why would my grandmother let him in the house?!!!!!!

Just in case you guys didn't know, my stepfather has stolen things from me in the past. From money in my sock drawer, to money in my bank account. This has been going on for 2 years now. I would get my money back, but he would continue doing it. I have never had any family problems until my mother married this man. It is one of the reasons why I am living alone now. Yet, this day, my playstation is gone. Again! Why is this happening to! I call my mother and tell her. The things he is stealing from me can be replaced, my mother's thoughts are on her irreplaceable marriage. Why would this man do this? She finally told me that...

He's on drugs

I'm pissed and upset all at once, because I don't know what to do. My mother wants to work this out with him, so I'm reframing from calling the police. She doesn't want me to tell my grandmother, so I'm pissed because I can't do anything... but I love my mother. So right now, I'm letting it go until its resolved. BUT I'M GETTING MY SHIT BACK!

You know what pisses me off more? That he reminds me of my birth father . My father and mother where high school sweethearts, and were planning on getting married. He was in the army and stationed in North Carolina. He was suppose to come home and see my mother on Thanksgiving. She was pregnant with me at the time. He wasn't able to make it, and said he would be there to see her on Christmas. So he came on that Christmas day, and my mother was so excited.

That excitement was crushed when my father said that he couldn't marry her. Why? Because he was already married. Yes, that Thanksgiving he married another woman. Another woman who was having his baby. I am only a few months older then my half sister.

He had another child, and there marriage ended due to his drug addiction. When he was living in New Jersey, he never was in my life. He had another child 3 years ago, and the mother and him are not able to take care of the baby because of there drug addictions. My aunt, who can't have kids, has now adopted him as her son.

Now, my mother and my family is going through this bullshit. Why is this happening to us? Why is this happening to me?

[...sigh]

HOW HIGH?

2005-11-02T20:37:00.000-08:00

~~~AM I TOO MUCH OF A GOOD BOY?

Some of the most interesting experiences one can have as an Adult is to indulge in a few habits that are so bad, yet feel so good. At 21, smoking and drinking is at your fingertips, and most people have indulged in this adult freedom before they even turn 21. So why is it, at 25, I have still have...

NEVER HAD A DRINK.

NEVER SMOKED.

Shocked? I know. Hell, I haven't even had intercourse until 2 years ago. So why can't I just go ahead and take a few "social drinks", or "feel a little nice" once in awhile? Sure I can't sit up here and list all the health reasons, but one drink, or one pull won't hurt, and if anything I should try it once right?

I CAN'T DO IT, LOL!

At times I feel I want to, and it never has anything to do with "peer pressure". I want to know what it's like to be tipsy or feel a lil high, everyone talks about how good it feels. Plus it seems like everyone has a better time when there is alcohol in there system at a party. And what be so damn funny when people be smoking? I don't know MAN! I feel like I want to loosen up, and its not like I'm very shy when I go out, but I would love to know how it feels to lose all my inhibitions, at least once... but I'm kinda proud to be a good boy...

BUT SOMETIMES I WANT TO BE SO BAD!

[what do you guys think?]

LOVE: The Final Episode

2005-10-31T21:00:00.000-08:00

Entry originally written: Saturday, August 06, 2005

READ: EPISODE 1, EPISODE 2, EPISODE 3, Episode 4, Episode 5, before reading...

The Final Episode: Love & Life

So how do you tell the story of one of the most amazing people you have ever met, and one of the most heartbreaking moments of your life?

In Anger.
In Sadness.
In Happiness.
In Hope.
In God.

I’m angry because I put so much time and energy in a situation, and the end result was pain. I’m angry because while he made a decision to pull back from the relationship, I was sitting at home, hoping and praying one day it would be ok. I’m angry that all the beautiful things I love to hear him say to me, he says after we are no longer together. I’m angry that the promise he made to me about being there for me 100%, feels like a lie.

I’m sad that I will never get to see where this relationship could have been. I’m sad that I no longer have my best friend anymore. I’m sad that I will never get to experience that magical moment I always wanted from him. I’m sad that at times tears come from my eyes when I think about him.

I’m happy that I don’t have to be sad anymore. I’m happy that it didn’t end up worst then it could have been. I’m happy I got to be with him for as long as we were together. I’m happy that I have the memory of making him happy. I’m happy I didn’t lose myself, and that he can now be the person he wants to be.

I’m hopeful that this heartache will pass with time. I’m hopeful that he finds love. I’m hopeful that he will be far greater person then I knew him as. I am hopeful that I will find myself through the memories of this relationship.

I understand that GOD has already given me the strength to handle any pain, and that I just have to pray, and be open to withdrawing that energy within me. I understand that GOD has created relationships so that we can understand ourselves, and experience what GOD calls LOVE. What GOD calls LIFE. There is nothing greater then two people enhancing each other, enhancing love, and enhancing life together. I understand that we as humans create pain and suffering for ourselves, but if we look at a situation for what it is, we can take those experiences and create a positive side through our lost.

It was all worth it, even through my anger & sadness; I wouldn’t have changed my decision. Only when I let go of the pain, will I appreciate this experience more… but it takes time. I will always love him, and he will always have a special part of my spirit.

So life goes on, and I await the gifts the universe gives me, and I will give back love once again.

LOVE: Episode 5

2005-10-28T21:03:00.000-07:00

Entry originally written: Saturday, August 06, 2005

READ: EPISODE 1, EPISODE 2, EPISODE 3, & Episode 4, before reading...

Episode 5: GONE

That week I took out all the things he ever got or made me. I am not a materialistic person, and I didn’t want him to think I was. It wasn’t about what he got me, but the experience. The moment. Something I could keep to take back with me, and feel so good about. I remembered one Valentine’s day we went out to a restaurant, and enjoyed each other’s company. I got him a stuffed bear (affectingly called Mr. Biscuit), and it had an army fatigue scarf around his head. I also made him a Valentine CD that had songs that reminded me of him, as well as poems I wrote and voiced as interludes. Later that night, we went to a park and sat him on the bench. I got down on one knee, and pulled out a ring.

I asked him: “Will you fall in love with me?”
He replied with a “Yes!” And we have been in love ever since… until now.

Now I sit on the floor looking at this picture of me lying on a blanket at the pier.

He drew it for me during one of our romantic afternoons in NYC.

I admire my Family Guy “Stewie” wallet he gave me for Christmas, which reminds me of the times he was there for me when people would steal money from me. I flip through the sketchbook he gave me, so that I could write & draw inspiring things inside. We shouldn’t live just breathing ever moment, but live for those moments that take our breath away. Since the day of our Anniversary, he hasn’t called me in a week. I didn’t see him that weekend. I got tired of feeling like I always had to call him to make the relationship right. I was unhappy. I have had 2 nightmares, back to back. I had one dream where he breaks up with me, and another where I broke up with him. I couldn’t sleep. I would sit in the park listening to Kelly Clarkson’s CD, and play “Behind these Hazel Eyes” At 5:30 in the morning.

I needed a resolution. I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I got tired of being unhappy. I would confide in my friends. Everyone told me to break up with him. Yet how do you break up with someone that you are so in love with? I called him at work and told him we needed to talk. He said he would call me later on that night, and he never called.

What is the problem? I’m pissed as hell. I called him the next day during my lunch break and asked him why he didn’t call me last night. He left his phone at work. More excuses. I was tired of them. I wanted to know why he wasn’t putting 100% into this relationship and me. We went back and forth on the phone. Blaming each other for everything. You don’t do this. Well you don’t do this. Well I don’t do this, because you don’t do this. I feel this way. Well I feel this way. Well I feel this way, because you feel this way. Nothing was getting resolved, we were both angry, hurt, and talking while both of us needed to work.

He called me that night.
He understood that he wasn’t putting 100% into the relationship, because he didn’t feel it in his heart. He wanted to be by himself, and was preoccupied with other things in his life. He didn’t want to tell me, because he didn’t want to hurt my feelings. We decided that we couldn’t be with each other anymore. He said it didn’t have anything to do with me, but we could have easily made up, said he was sorry and moved on… but it would have went back the same way next week. He didn’t want to string me along. He has never had anyone but me, and never knew what it was like to be with other people. He now has a new apartment, a demanding career, and a new life he wants to focus on. As much as he loves me, he had to do this alone.

Alone. I can’t blame him. I had to let him go. But it hurts so much. I am relieved, yet sad. The love of my life is gone.

[the final episode. coming soon.]

LOVE: Episode 4

2005-10-27T19:50:00.000-07:00

Entry originally written: Saturday, August 06, 2005 READ: EPISODE 1, EPISODE 2, & EPISODE 3 before reading...Episode 4:
Another Card?

After those words, the rest of the date just felt so faded, as if I wasn’t there, but I really wasn’t there. All I could remember was all the times he disappointed me in the past. I expressed my disappointment, but I don’t think he really understood how upset I really was. I love him so much, I was hoping and praying so badly that this one time he would come through… and he didn’t.

He got something from Old Navy; we got on the train, got lost, and finally ended up at the restaurant. All I could do was try and make the best of this situation. We talked over dinner about work, and played catch up. We even talked about what both of us wanted out of a relationship on the train ride home. We got to his house, and he opened up the present I gave him. He really enjoyed it. He then gave me a card.
Another card. I wanted to appreciate that card so much, but it was just a reminder of my disappointment that night. He told me he didn’t have time to get me something due to work, and he didn’t just want to get me something last minute and that he would get me something this weekend. Maybe I could give him a second chance. Honestly, I got tired of giving him second chances. You only get one night, one moment to make it magical. That night I feel asleep, we were not intimate. I got up that morning, and just wanted to leave. I got emotional, as I looked at him sleep. What had gone wrong with us? As I told him I was leaving, he gave me a hug and kiss. I left, and forgot the Anniversary card on the table. I would have never thought that would be the last time we would be together.[OH YES, there's MORE, to be continued...]

A Left Eye Moment

2005-10-26T19:53:00.000-07:00

"I didn't struggle this far to have people tear me down. I came out of some **** where it was like, I didn't know what I was doing. I finally started looking at myself like I'm worth something, and it's because I've accomplished everything those people told me I wouldn't. The best way for me to get those people back is it come back out even harder."

-Lisa Left Eye Lopes

Sending Positive Energy to No4real4real

so that he makes a healthy recovery. Love you Man!

[Episode 4, Coming Soon!

You'll be like Trent Jackson saying, I can't take it!]

LOVE: Episode 3

2005-10-24T19:17:00.000-07:00

Originally written Saturday, August 06, 2005

READ: EPISODE 1 & EPISODE 2 before reading...

Episode 3: Two years, Two Hearts

July 20, 2005.
Our Second Year Anniversary

I have never been with anyone for 2 years before, so I am very excited about this. I was the first boyfriend he has ever been with, and we both had sex for the first time together. We were there for each other’s college graduations; we both got our permits and driving licenses together. We even were there during the process of moving into our own apartments together. We decided to go out to dinner in “Little Italy” in Manhattan. We been talking for the past few days more frequent, and I was really excited to give him the gift I got for him. Honestly, I was really anticipating what he would get me, just the whole experience.

So all day at work, I was so excited. I had on a nice outfit, smelling good, and I haven’t seen him in like 2 weeks. I asked my boss if I could leave work a little earlier so I could meet him at 7:00pm in front of H&M on 34th Street. So I took the train over to NYC, and get there at 6:30. I had a big red bag with an “I love you” balloon connected to it. [smiles] So I’m standing on the corner just waiting, watching the people walk by. So 7:00 comes around, he isn’t here yet. I know how the subways are, so I’ll give him a few more minutes. I hate when people are late, but I don’t want to ruin the experience. His cell phone wasn’t working so I couldn’t find out when he would be here. Time goes by, and he gets there at 7:30.

So he walks up to me and says,” Why you got that big ol’ gay bag”, and starts laughing. Mind you readers, I’m already a little ticked that he was an hour late, and the first thing he says about my gift to him is that the bag looks “gay”.

Maybe I’m wrong, or too sensitive, but it wasn’t something I expected him to say. As usual, I just have to take it and move on. So he wants to go to Old Navy before we head to Dinner. Sure no problem. We have small talk and walk around the store looking at clothes. While walking around, I honestly felt like I was in another world. All I keep thinking about was, how this whole thing was going to turn out. Trying to remain excited, trying to feel everything was ok. I felt good seeing him though, and he looked a little sexier since last time I saw him. He is a very stylish guy, and I always loved that about him. I had decided to withhold from releasing any sexual energy (through masturbation) for a whole week so I could build up for tonight.

So he finds some flip-flops he wanted to buy, and starts to try them on, then he says: “You know I didn’t get your present right?”

[to be continued...]

LOVE: Episode 2

2005-10-22T03:03:00.000-07:00

Originally written Saturday, August 06, 2005

READ: EPISODE 1 before reading...

Episode 2: Potentially Waiting

HIM: u okay?
ME: that’s a hard question to answer
HIM: please give me another chance
HIM: I promise you wont regret it
HIM: I am IN love with you
ME: wow
HIM: I’ll say it again
HIM: I am IN LOVE WITH SHAWN
HIM: I want to be with you
HIM: I know its very difficult right now being that it was my fault to begin with, but I miss you and I’m ready to be there 100%
HIM: just give me a chance to show you

This is what he said to me, a few months ago after our “break”. At the time, he wanted to “Take it Slow.” He needed time to see if this relationship is what he really wanted, if it was me he really needed? He said he would be there, 100%, but right now he is just giving me less then that. But we have been together for close to 2 years now. Our Anniversary is coming up; we can talk, you know, make things ok…

Yet I’m scared. Last year, during our anniversary, we enjoyed dinner and good conversation… but I was disappointed because he wasn’t able to give me a gift in exchange during dinner. He got me a beautiful card he made himself, and I treasure it. But I wanted the experience of being excited about opening a gift, and being even more excited about how thoughtful and meaningful a gift from him would be. I never got that experience. So as our anniversary comes again, I need that experience more then ever.

·Would he do something for me so magically

that would rekindle the love we have for one another?

·Or, would I be disappointed once again,

trying to gain a love that is no longer there?

[to be continued...]

LOVE: Episode 1

2005-10-20T19:35:00.000-07:00

Entry originally written: Saturday, August 06, 2005

Episode 1: Where is your Heart?

“You don’t even try no more… why don’t you don’t care no more?”
- Keyshia Cole

He doesn’t know this, but at times, when I was upset or down about our relationship, I would lie in the same bed with him, headphones on, and listen to that song, over and over. At times, I would be in the bed, and want him to hold me so tight, kiss me on my neck, and make everything better. At times, I would want to wake up to him cooking me breakfast in bed. At times, I would just want to wake up to him just looking at me, just admiring my face when I wake, smiling. None of those times happened. I woke up to Keyshia Cole singing, “I just want it to be over.”

So how do you tell the story of one of the most amazing people you have ever met, and one of the most heartbreaking moments of your life? Most of life, all you can do is be honest. Nothing is ever black and white, and there are plenty of shades of gray. People are the same way. He is loving, thoughtful, & beautiful to me. Yet, recently he has been distant, irritable, and unappreciative. So the first thing is I ask is, what did I do wrong? Am I getting on his nerves? Does he find me attractive anymore?

He would call me everyday to calling me once a week, and only talk to me for a couple of minutes. We would see each other each weekend, from Friday to Sunday, to seeing each other once every other weekend. We would be so passionate during our sexual encounters, until it just became routine. Maybe it’s my fault. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe I wasn’t doing what he wanted me to do? Is it me, because if it is, tell me its me, and I will fix it. So I ask him… and he tells me it isn’t me. So then is it you?

You? You make me so happy. You would make me laugh; smile, and you are the most adorable thing I have ever seen. You’re my best friend. We share interests and careers together. You understand me. We have so much potential, and we are the closest fit to perfection. I know you want to be true to me. Your always there, you say you care. Yet I want to know where is your heart?

[to be continued...]

GASPING FOR AIR

2005-10-19T23:04:00.000-07:00

Hey! How you doing? How your momma doing?
I'm back... Holla! I'm so excited to finally get to write again. I missed blogging so much. I took advantage of the Optimum Triple Play, so now I feel like a Triple Threat! I think I got this adult thing on lock.

I have been living alone for about 5 months now, and overall its been a great experience. I still have a loooooonnnnngggg way to go. The house is not fully finished yet, but its coming along. Honestly, I can't complain. I'll see if can get photos up soon.

Since I have been away, so many things have come across my mind.

Where do I stand with GOD? Am I a Christian? How am I suppose to express my love for GOD? How will I mature as an Adult with new responsibilities? Am I starting to feel old now? Am I getting bored with eating? Am I getting bored with same ol' hobbies? Am I getting bored with people? When will love have my back? Is love like a dog chasing its tail? Will I ever have mind blowing sex? Will I ever stop collecting action figures? Will someone make me a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich?

hopefully I'll have all these answers by the time I turn 30!

[check back tomorrow for my official post]

COMING SOON!

2005-10-04T06:23:00.000-07:00

OCTOBER 20TH, 2005!
BE PREPARED!

THE NEW TLC?

2005-09-01T17:30:00.000-07:00

Hey Mirrah? RU The Girl?

T-Boz and Chilli new reality series has got me glued to the TV screen for the past month and a half. I LOVE TLC! To see them every week (twice a week if you count the Encore episodes on Tuesday) brings so much joy to my life! They are so funny, talented, and oh so beautiful! You got to give it up to them, they are the JAM!

So are they really replacing LEFT EYE?

Like T-Boz and Chilli always said, no one can replace Lisa. They are not trying to find someone that raps, looks, or sings like Lisa. She will always be apart of TLC... much like the fans. The fans play a strong part in TLC's career, so it made sense for them to go to there fans and give them a chance of a Lifetime!

Wow, to sing and dance with TLC, is an honor, and I am so happy with "The Girls" that T-Boz and Chilli picked. Some I could live without, some are truly talented. My Favorite...

Mirrah. She's a 30 year old singer, freestyle dancer, and poet! She's gorgeous, fun, and energetic! Out of them all, I'm pulling for her to win. I mean, she just fits! I love me some O'so Krispie, but she favors Left Eye too much for me. But I still love her style. She can dance her azz off, but she seems very shy when it comes to popularity. Meah...PLEASE! Black Britney is leaving next week. Who is the Girl you say? MIRRAH ALL THE WAY!

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE NEW TLC? SHOULD TLC AND "THE GIRL" LAST FOR ONE SONG AND ONE CONCERT? SHOULD THEY CONTINUE AS A GROUP? SHOULD "The Girl" TAKE ON AN "L" STAGE NAME? SHOULD THEY CHANGE THERE NAME?

Smack it up, Flip it, Rub it down... Ohhhh Nooo!

2005-08-13T00:14:00.000-07:00

"You can do me in the morning, you can do me in the night, you can do me when you want to do me."
-Bell Biv Devoe

Yo, this use to be my joint back in the day. Wasn't Bell Biv Devoe like the male version of TLC, or was TLC the female version of Bell Biv Devoe? Both of there albums sound the same. I guess that was the style back in the day [starts dancing old school] This is my joint right here!

Anyway, I'm just over here waiting for the pancakes to get ready. I'm over my boy's house, we are having a "gay sleepover". You know, do each other hair and nails and talk about boys, LOL. Actually we just chilled, bugged out, watched movies in our boxers. You know everyone was trying to cope there free feels. [and no, we didn't have an orgy, I don't partake in those, although I wouldn't mind watching] I got on a black tank top and some heart shaped boxers. They are cute. My boy got a digital cam, I should take a picture of them real quick. Ya would like that wouldn't ya, NASTIES! LOL. Later on, we are all going to head to NYC and just do some sightseeing, like we never been to New York before. We're weird like that.

Actually I'm pretty happy right now. My apartment is coming out sooooo good. I have like the sexiest bed ever. I got a few things from IKEA yesterday, and on Sunday I'm going to do a lot of touch-up painting. Dare I say it, the apartment should be ready by the end of AUGUST! Hollllaaaa! WE will see, I don't want to Jinx it.

Once I get my internet back up, or find a constant place to blog, I'm going to take this thing to a whole other level. I'm so Anxious [insert Ginuwine here], I have sooo much to talk about, and so much not to talk about, I'm ready.

Ohhh, the pancakes are ready, so let me "throw down", and remember...

Never trust a big butt and a smile!

"This is for the Nasties, Ya so Nasty!" LOL, I still love ya though.

"This is for my peoples, I miss ya!"

GAY PRIDE 2005 PHOTOS

2005-08-09T17:35:00.000-07:00

Superheros ready to save the day!
Superman, Phoenix, Flash, and yours truly, Green LanternQt

The Gay Superheros take photos with sailors.

Yes its me! Holla!

BLOG WILL BE UPCOMING AND RUNNING SOON, SO STAY TUNED!

By the way, check out this wonderful event, and the beautiful designed flyer Larry D. Lyons provided for the event...

Shhhhhh...

2005-07-21T10:25:00.000-07:00

What's going on everybody... I'm at work right now sneaking on the computer to write this blog entry, hopefully I don't get caught. ohh wait, the boss it coming...Ok she's gone. Anyway, I miss blogging SOOOOO much, I think I'm addicted. Wait, the phone is ringing... they hung up on me. I'm trying my hardest to get my internet back up. The house is coming along. One room is almost complete, they are putting the floors down now. I went to a Thrift Shop and found a decent full size mattress, so now I just have to find a way to get it home. My Fridge is on its way, so I'm happy about that. It's all working out.

There are so many things on my head its crazy. I just want to let it all out. Yesterday was my 2nd year Anniversary with my boyfriend. We went out to eat in Little Italy. Being with him yesterday made me realize a lot of things about how we interact, what we both want in a relationship, and the type of person I want to become. Like I said, I have a lot of things on my mind.

I just want to say thanks to everyone who still stops by and checks up on me. TRUST ME, this BLOG IS NOT OVER, its just the Summer time, the NEW SEASON will start up REALLY SOON!

Want to give a Shout-Out to Trent Jackson, who is always there when you need him. Larry Lyons II, I need to see you, we need to talk... you have to help me generate some positive energy right about now. No4Real, where you at? We need to talk, lol. Stone, good seeing you man. I didn't know you was such a Jokester! Frank... I read your blog, and I'm cooking something up really soon, we most def' need to talk about the issues that are plaguing the Black Gay Community. SmilingontheDL, we need to talk, I didn't know you was so deep! Valentino, I am loving your journey in the ATL! Speaking of the ATL, What up BruthaFree! *wink* Everyone else, I am trying to read as many blogs as I can (while at work), I want to get to know every single last one of you guys.

I am still going to post photos from GAY PRIDE, as soon as my Godbrother calls me back. MALIK WHERE ARE YOU???

[holla back at me]

THIS JUST IN...

2005-07-10T18:22:00.000-07:00

Gay Blogger saves Christopher Street from Terroist Attack
by Shawn "My Hero" QT

Saturday, July 9, 2005.
A group of gay socialites where enjoying a night out on New York's, Christopher Street in Manhattan. The street is known for its widely open gay and lesbian community, where many an ride bikes and lay out on the grass on its newly renovated pier, and stroll down Christopher where porn shops, gay bars, and gay tourist items are the main attraction. The PATH, the train that connects NY to NJ via the Trans Hudson, has a station on Christopher. ShawnQt, a fellow blogger, and group of friends proceeded to leave around 11:30pm, to venture back to New Jersey, when they spotted a "unattended bag" on the PATH tracks. "I am always aware of my surroundings," said Shawn, " I didn't want to take any chances, so we called it in." The police came in a matter of minutes, as they investigated the call. Within 10 minutes after, all transit riders where evacuated from the Station. "There were cop cars, and something that look like a bomb truck all on the street. We were scared." The investigation, took 30 minutes. The bag was removed, and the station re-opened. There was no explosive devices in the bag. "Better safe then sorry I always say, I don't want my fellow gay brothas going out like that," says Shawn with closing remarks.

The Boom Boom

2005-07-06T11:20:00.000-07:00

"The Boom Boom"
by ShawnQt

I look at you
My body is gyrating at you
As we listen to the Boom…
The Boom, Boom.

Look at my head bang
Look at my arms pump
I look at you across the room
As we vibe to the Boom…
The Boom, Boom.

It is you Light skin
That I am into
With your sexy eyes
lips to die for
I want more of you…
The Boom, Boom.

I’m good with you winking at me
with your smile I must agree
I guarantee
that you and me
Half ghetto, Half artsy
can be sexual in the most non-biblical
yet spiritual sexual fantasy.

It is with you that my blood flows for
It is you that has brought me to this Tribal ground
/slash/ dance floor
It is you and The Boom, Boom.
That is making me want more
Making me explore
the depths of your jeans
praying for your pleasure
And your extasy.
I succumb to you…
And only you
As we both become the Boom…
The Boom, Boom.

Under Construction: Chapter 2

2005-07-03T02:25:00.000-07:00

So I get to the pool and decide to go up on the diving board. Why in the hell did I decide to get on the diving board? I'm climbing up the ladder. Step by step. Hand over Hand. Foot over Foot. Thinking to myself, all I can do is go up. Everything will be fine. Imagine how good it will feel to master one of the greatest dives in adulthood. Getting my own apartment. So I'm climbing up. Saving money. Climbing some more. Getting my design decor together. Climbing some more... Mentally preparing myself for this one moment. So I'm on the board. My mom is poolside, cheering me own. My boyfriend is there, my best-friend is there, friends, family, co-workers... All of them are down there cheering me on.

Why in the hell did I get on this diving board? I can't swim. You would be scared too if you was thrown in the deep end with no blow up duckies to hold on to.

I have been at my apartment for 3 weeks now. It's not that bad. I have moved out most of my things from my mom's house, just have to move my dressers later. I have my bed now, so I don't have to sleep on the floor anymore. I plan to get a Full or Queen size bed soon though. I'm tired of sleeping on a Twin. Most of my clothes are in black bags, but I got a new steamer, so no more ironing for me! I love it! I finally set up my DVD player, so my mom gives me a few of her Netflix videos. The "Jem & The Holograms" DVD is coming soon, LOL. My computer is setup, but NO INTERNET! I'm dying without it. I'm on my boyfriend's computer now, but I'm waiting until the house is fully renovated before I can get my internet set back up.

On the downside, my stove is not hooked up, and I don't have a microwave... nor a fridge. I have to eat out every night, but my grandmother makes me dinner from time to time. I ate peanut butter and jelly for a week straight. I didn't mind.

On the upside, the living room is coming together perfectly! I have my coaches, pillows, rug, end tables, Lamps, all set up nicely. I just bought some curtains from IKEA the other day, and a cool azz shelf. I want to get some plants, but I don't have the time to really take care of a real ones. I bought a big frame to put this illustration I did. I have to find a way to blow it up. I plan to use a lot of my original artwork. I just can't see myself, being an artist, using a painting I can do myself. It feels good to know I am creating my own space.

I think of all of this as I step myself inch by inch to the end of the diving board. I'll be alright, I'll be ok... So then why won't I dive in???

[coming soon, photos from GAY PRIDE 2005]